The Best Year Yet

Well, here we are - Christmas Eve Day, 2008.

While I could get another audition before the year's over (The town's pretty much shut down at this point, but JS - my commercial agent - says there's always a few casting people still at work), I've gotta believe 2008 - good, bad, or indifferent - is basically over.

Going into this past year, I had serious concerns - The Writer's strike was going on, and SAG's contracts (in both Theatrical and Television, and Commercials) were set to expire - and while I remember hoping against hope I'd somehow be able to build on the success of the previous year, I was more worried going into a new year than I've ever been before.

So I guess the good thing I can say about 2008 is that there were still auditions to go out on, and I still booked some jobs.

And I'm still here.

But while I haven't actually counted yet, I can say with almost 100% certainty that I had fewer auditions than in the past two or three years.

And I booked fewer gigs (Four this year, versus six last year), and made substantially less money than in 2007.

(And that in a year where I, somewhat inexplicably. decided to try to go totally "freelance"; I haven't worked a full-time, regular job since the end of May.)

And honestly? With the exception of doing the infomercial with John Cleese (My first real "brush with greatness" out here), none of the jobs this year turned me on - Not the Yellow Pages commercial (My most lucrative gig this year, but that's not saying much), or the "Principal" role in the low-budget feature film that was really an extra role, or the Wimax print job.

It all, frankly, felt like junk. And it certainly didn't involve much that you could call "acting".

On the whole, very hard not to see this as a very lackluster, disappointing year.

And who knew, early in 2008, that SAG and the AMPTP would still be snapping at each other at this point, with no deal having been made and SAG trying to get its members to go for a strike vote?

And who knew the economy was going to go belly-up? (Probably a number of people, really, but I didn't.)

So here I am, at the start of another new year, feeling pretty much the same way I did last year at this time - hoping, praying (In my atheistic way), that I'll somehow be able to "swim against the tide" and have some decent success, but deeply worried about what the coming year has in store for me.

But my look has changed pretty radically in the past year - I've lost around 80 lbs, and am sporting a clean-shaven look for the first time since I was eight or nine - and I'm hoping that'll create new interest in the "Character Man" brand.

And while things look potentially grim in a couple regards, I have to believe that good things are going to happen for me.

Who knows? Maybe even great things.

What's the point of my giving over to doubt and fear? No matter what, the tv and film industry isn't going to be shutting its doors, and if there's anything going on, why can't I be part of it?

I have to believe that good fortune can happen to me (Which is a reasonable thing to believe, because it has happened to me). But maybe more importantly, I have to start believing that I can draw good things to myself, that I can effect my surrounding and my circumstances by the things I do.

I have to go into the new year with hope. I have to.

This is what I want - Not to just "get by", not to just "survive", but to thrive as an actor.

And that can happen in the coming year.

I'll get my chances, and I have to be prepared to make the most of them.

Cause I don't want to go through 2009 afraid and unhappy. I refuse to.

Instead, I think I'm going to have my best year yet.

Just. One. More. Job.

This is always a "challenging" time of the year for me.

And one of the biggest "challenges" is that, as the year draws to a close, I always want to "end on a high note" (i.e. by booking "just one more job").

So I bounce between hoping-against-hope that "the year isn't over yet", and having to to reconcile myself to the fact that, at some point, if "the year isn't over yet", it might as well be.

Things traditionally slow down this time of year, and I doubt it helped that I had to book out twice in the past month or so - first for my head injury, and this past week for hernia surgery (My second hernia, by the by) - so while it's possible I could sneak in an audition or two over the next few weeks, 2008 is probably all but over.

And it was, career-wise, a disappointing year. I didn't book as many gigs as the previous year (Four this year, versus six the year before), and with the exception of the infomercial with John Cleese, the gigs this year, in a word, kinda sucked.

But I did still go out, and I did still book. I made money as an actor, as I believe I have every year since I came out here.

And that's nothing to sneeze at.

I got a check recently for the Yellow Pages commercial - for $391 and change - and the Coldstone settlement (For $1700) is waiting in the wings. And I periodically get small residual checks as well (Mostly for my Monk episode, but also sometimes for Nip/Tuck), so it's not as if acting isn't bringing in any money.

Just not what it had the year before...and by a substantial amount.

But more important than the money - ! - is the fact that, once again, I didn't do anything this year that really felt like "acting", and none of the things I booked were things that anyone's really dying to see.

And the point of all this, in my mind, in addition to making money, is to do stuff that actually entertains someone.

Well, maybe next year...
_________________________
On Tuesday, the day before my surgery, I went to a place on Olympic Blvd that advertised "Instant Headshots", had a mini photo-session (The photographer took a total of 23 pictures), paid the guy about $80...and am happy to say, got some pictures I can actually use.

(I wasn't happy initially - first and foremost, because I'm an ugly motherfucker, which can't really be helped - but the more I've "lived with them", the happier I've become; headshots basically just have to look like you, and have some personality to them, and as it turns out, I don't need to spend $400 and have a photographer take hundreds of shots to make that happen.)

I showed them to my commercial agent yesterday, and he picked out a couple he thought worked for our purposes (And I trust his judgment on this sort of thing more than I do my own).

And the fact that he didn't say "Congratulation Asshole! - You just blew $80, cause these pictures suck" made me pretty damned happy - I'm glad I have a cheap place to do decent headshots. That's a pretty invaluable resource.

It's something I've needed to do for a long time, and when I had to shave for the print shoot, it seemed a good time to take the leap (Since not only am I many lbs heavier in my current headshots, I also have a mustache).

When my agent saw me, in person, without the 'stash, he said it made me look substantially younger. Which to me, are pretty much "the magic words" - I'm very concerned about "aging out of my category", so anything that keeps me looking generically "middle aged" longer is a good thing.

It's a challenging period of time. The economy's gone belly-up, SAG and the AMPTP are still fucking with each other, and it's hard to know how I'm going to get from "here" to "there".

But that, my friends, is the goal.

Bigger and better in 2009.

(More to come...)

One For The "Win" Column

Shot my first print job yesterday (In spite of laying my forehead open less than two weeks ago), for something I've never heard of called Wimax (A new Internet service - I guess the "new" part is why I've never heard of it).

They were shooting a series of print ads, with a bad/better/best theme (Basically saying "Wifi is like this, and 3G is like this. But with Wimax, it's like this").

So three of us were in the ad I shot - a guy completely bald on top, a guy fitted with a bad comb-over, and a guy with a massive afro.

Demonstrating, I guess, that Wimax is the hairiest Internet provider.

I was "Comb-over Guy" (or "3G Guy", if you want to think of it that way).

My call time was 9:00 a.m., at a location off Sunset I could easily have rode my bike to, which would have been my preference (We went from a first location to a second location, which is why the production person told me I should drive, but the two locations were maybe a mile apart, if that. But anyway...).

My spot didn't shoot till after lunch (chicken taco, rice, salad, and a sliver of pumpkin pie with a teaspoon of Cool Whip), and it was pretty tedious going - no acting/interacting with each other, but just the three of us standing in a row, looking this way and that, smiling and not smiling, as per the director's instructions.

Kind of weird, that the least-fun part of the day involved actually doing what I was there to do.

It was tedious, and thanks to my as-yet-unrepaired hernia, it started to become pretty uncomfortable just standing up for the length of time it took to shoot the three of us (We were basically just standing on the sidewalk on Sunset, in front of an interesting stone wall, so we had to periodically stop for passerby).

After we were done with that, they took pictures of each of us individually (I don't remember if I was the second or third one up for that, but in any case, I'd had a chance to sit down for a few minutes, and happily, it didn't take long).

The shoot was boring and uncomfortable. But unlike the boredom and discomfort I typically experience (in my "civilian" work life), I was very well-compensated for my troubles; the job paid $1000 (Which, after taxes and JS's cut, will still pay my rent for a month, with enough left over for a trip to Subway), so I'm not going to bitch too much about it.

And there were other...compensations; in addition to getting paid, and getting fed, I enjoyed the ministrations of Jenni, my attractive - and I think age-appropriate - English makeup woman (Who, between applying my "comb-over" and dealing with my forehead, had to spend a fair amount of time on me).

So, while I still long for the day I'll be "well-compensated" to actually act, any day where I make $1000 to have my picture taken belongs in the "win" column.

The Wolfman Takes A Dip

Seems my desire to write in here has been blunted substantially now that there's no longer the lure of easy money...

Blunted, but not eliminated altogether.

Not too much going on in my "career" (Ooooh...putting "career" in quotes suggests I'm not feeling too positive about the state of things, doesn't it?). Though I was happy to get a second day of work out of the infomercial; seems they ran substantially short on their running time for the spot, so they needed to write some more pages to "stretch things out".

And Yours Truly was part of the stretching process.

(My initial un-happiness when I got the call about shooting some "pick-ups" had to do with an instant, irrational feeling that I "had done something wrong", that I hadn't been good enough, somehow. Which is stupid - needing to get "pick-ups" is on the director, not the actor - but there it was, hanging out in the stupid part of my brain.)

This second day of shooting was at the Director's house, just off Coldwater Canyon in Beverly Hills (Not a mansion or anything, but spacious and nicely appointed - impeccably decorated, with a pool and a view - representing a lifestyle to which I could easily become accustomed).

My bits were shot in and around the pool, which meant I had to do much of my work shirtless, a prospect I was pretty unhappy about going in (I'm a very hairy guy, something I've been sensitive about every since puberty struck, early and hard, when I was five or six years old).

But I did it, because that's what you do - I'm an actor (A middle aged, funny-looking, and yes, hairy actor), and vanity/insecurity/whatever you want to call it, doesn't really serve you well in that role.

Anyway, shooting the new stuff went very quickly - from call time to wrap, I was there for just two hours - and now I get to look forward to another check for another day's work.

So three cheers for "pick-ups"...!

Television - Only My SECOND Biggest Addiction

I have no idea if anyone's still reading this blog - I'm guessing not - but it hardly matters: I journaled for years with no one reading what I wrote (long before the word "blog" was invented), so while a readership is nice, it's not strictly necessary.

As I write this, I'm looking at an envelope on which I've written the titles of everything I'm regularly watching on tv right now.

On Monday, I watch Terminator, Chuck, and Heroes (I tried My Own Worst Enemy, but don't feel the need to "put it in the rotation").

On Tuesday, I watch The Shield (For now - There's only three episodes left till the series finale).

On Wednesday, I watch Bones and Pushing Daisies.

On Thursday, I watch My Name Is Earl, Kath and Kim (I watched the pilot- which was terrible - then fast-forwarded through it last week - easier to do that than skip it when programming my dvr), The Office, 30 Rock, Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and Life On Mars. Big night.

On Friday I was watching The Ex-List...but it just got canceled

On Saturday I watch...nothing

And on Sunday I watch Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, and Mad Men (I also watch Dexter, but since I don't have Showtime, I watch it after the fact on the Internet).

I also watch Lost, Psych, Burn Notice, The Closer, Saving Grace, and In Plain Sight, none of which are on right now (I'm assuming the cable shows, which are all of them but Lost, will be back in January; I'm not sure when Lost is back).

Outside of those shows, I will watch House now and again (I just watched the most recent episode on Hulu), Monk, Jon and Kate plus 8, Family Guy, and - if I can stay awake for it - Robot Chicken.

I'm also a big fan of So You Think You Can Dance (But not Dancing With The Stars - I lost interest when John O'Hurley got robbed the first season).

I was watching Boston Legal till just this year, but it got too dumb for me, so I dropped it (Which I might do with Heroes as well, for pretty much the same reason).

Looking over this list of shows, the first thing I notice is that I don't seem to be a big fan of straight procedurals - No CSI's or Law & Order's on the list.

Also not a lot of "reality" (Other than Jon & Kate) - I gave it a try (I used to be a fan of The Real World years back, watched the first seasons of Survivor and Big Brother, and saw a season or two of Project Runway when a friend from Michigan used to send it to me on video before I got cable), but for the most part, "reality" doesn't give me what I need.

But the biggest thing of all I notice? Is that, while the shows I've listed represent hours and hours of tv watching (Not to mention all the "grazing" I do, and all the movies I watch on tv), I spend nowhere near as much time watching tv as I do on the Internet.

If you'd ever told me, back in the day, "You know what? Someday you'll spend more time playing on a computer than watching television", I would never have believed you.

Not in a million years.

Live and learn...

The Clock's Ticking...But This Year Ain't Over Yet

Since the infomercial shoot, things are slower than I'd like them to be here in Actor-land.

Granted, it's been less than a week-and-a-half since that happy experience.

But while you might think I'd still be "buzzed" over "that happy experience", I'm kind of over it at this point.

Cause life goes on, Jimmy needs cash, and I'm on a tight schedule - I've only booked three gigs so far this year, I want to do better than last year (when I booked six gigs), and I'm running out of year to work with - which means I need auditions raining down from the heavens, so I can book...

1) The national commercial that will keep me afloat for the next year or two.

2) That really nice co-star role on a hit show that will impress my friends and make casting directors take notice (Cause before next year's out, I want to start being in consideration for guest-star roles).

3) My first movie role, in something that will, again, "make casting directors take notice" when they look at my resume.

4) That elusive job, whatever it may be, that will be fun (i.e. something that would actually involve me acting), provide a great payday, and allow me to work with an actor (Or actors) I know and respect (I still haven't had all three of those things come together yet...but a man can dream, can't he?).

I had a commercial audition last Thursday (for Budweiser), and one for Time Warner Cable yesterday.

In acting terms, they're nothing. But as I've said a number of times before, "If you're looking to commercials to satisfy your acting itch, you're an idiot" (Well, I don't know think I've put it quite that way before...but that's what I meant).

So sue me - I'm still an idiot, almost eight years down the road, because I always hope, going into any given commercial audition, that I'll be the "hero" in the spot, that it'll involve me playing some kind of "character", perhaps to humorous effect, and that I'll get that nice, "getting well-paid for doing something really fun" feeling I've been seeking since Day One.

Neither spot is that spot...but that doesn't mean I don't want to book them (Especially Budweiser, since that's a national).

Cause if I book then, they'll pay me.

And money is cool.

But beyond the making of money - and keeping homelessness at bay and all that - I really do want something to happen before the year is out that makes me feel like I really did something (Working with John Cleese was cool; working with John Cleese, or someone like him, in something people would actually want to see, and making a profit off it, would be cooler still).

It feels as if the year is coming to an end.

But I don't want to write the year off just yet.

I just want a few more good things to happen. I want to end on a high note, a hopeful note, a note that tells me, "Things are looking up".

Don't let me down, 2008...

Slapping John Cleese

My infomercial shoot with John Cleese was yesterday, in Pasadena (The product we were infomercial-ing for, for those of you interested in such things, was The Book Of Inside Information. But we could have been selling Crack For Kids, for all I cared - I was just psyched to be working with John Cleese.).

My call time was 10:30 a.m. And as I like to do for these things, I gave myself a lot of travel time - So much so that I got there a half-hour early, even after missing an exit and driving around Pasadena for a time.

(I often have some "directional drama" in getting to shoots - I'm a man badly in need of a GPS. But this time, the drama was due to a flaw in the directions and not the flaw in my brain; a fellow actor told me a number of people made the same mistake I did - following the directions we'd been given - with the same exit-missing, driving-around-Pasadena result).

Once I arrived at "base camp", there really wasn't anything for me to do - my scene as "Gas Station Manager" didn't shoot till after lunch - so I basically just "hung out", drinking Diet Coke, writing in my "book journal", and chatting at length with "Chriss" (And yes, I'm spelling his name correctly), the actor playing the "Bookstore Manager", in a scene that shot right after mine.

I'm not sure exactly what time it was, but maybe an hour-and-a-half or so after I got there, a van pulled into base camp, and John Cleese emerged (They'd just finished shooting a scene at a nearby grocery store).

When we made eye-contact at one point, I smiled at him, clearly recognizing him, and he gave me a wink.

He came over to where Chriss and I and a group of extras were gathered, but no formal introductions were made - We just made small talk about, honestly, I don't remember what (Except I do remember he was annoyed with the clasp on his watch band, and how badly it was designed).

When he retired to his trailer (He was the only one who had one), Chriss and I giggled like little girls over the fact that we were actually working with John Cleese.

Intellectually, I'd known I was "excited" to be working with someone like John Cleese. But it's one thing to know it, and quite another to actually be on the set, and "there he is...and I just talked with him, like we were just a couple actors on a shoot....!" (It was all I could do afterward not to squeal with delight).

Then we had lunch (I had salad, chicken, and more Diet Coke; I really wanted dessert - pumpkin pie - but I refrained).

My scene was the first thing up after lunch, so in short order, I was made-up, put in wardrobe, then driven to the location (a nearby Shell station).

It took a little while for them to set things up, but not that long - after they figured out how they wanted to block the scene for camera, they had me run through it with John's stand-in, and when the Director was happy with it, they called John to the set.

When he got out of the van, he approached me, we shook hands, and that was when I actually introduced myself.

He said, in a haughty tone, "Well, I certainly hope you're quaking in your boots, working with a big international superstar like me" (Or words very much to that effect).

I smiled at him and said, "I sure am".

Then he said, "Now I want you to slap my face".

Which threw me a bit (I wanted to be agreeable, but at the same time, I didn't want to break the star), so I gave him the very lightest pat on the cheek I could manage.

To which he responded, "Harder than that...".

I said, "What is this, Raging Bull?". But I patted his cheek, a little more firmly this time, and he was satisfied - "I just wanted you to know that you can knock me about...".

(I thought about it afterward; What would it be like, to be so famous, so beloved, that part of your job on a set is to calm down the other actors you're working with, because they're that excited to be working with you?)

At one point, he conferred with the director, then came back to me to tell me they were changing the script - He'd decided one of my lines was redundant, too much like stuff in other scenes (Which it was). He was also changing my first cue (Instead of asking me "Are your prices up or down?", he was changing the line to "Are your prices up...or are they up?". Which I actually thought didn't make sense in the context of the scene...but I certainly wasn't going to argue the point, since he's John Cleese and I'm not).

They walked him through what he was supposed to do a couple times (At one point, there was a bit of tension, because he was using a teleprompter, and he wasn't happy that it was mounted on top of the camera - He was concerned about the "eyeline" and thought he'd look as if he were reading), we did one or two run-throughs together, then we started shooting.

I wasn't keeping count, but beyond having to stop a couple times for technical issues (Extraneous noise and such), and once because John blew a line, I don't think we did more than three complete takes before they'd gotten what they wanted (As the director and crew were conferring as to whether the last take had been the take, John looked over at me and nodded his head, as if to say, "Yeah, that was the one". Which, frankly, made me want to break into song).

They briefly debated whether or not they needed to get any single shots of me, but decided it wasn't necessary, that the funny stuff was us being in the shot together...and we were done.

All told, the actual filming had taken maybe twenty minutes or so. It was over much too soon (Even John joked afterward, "That's it...?").

Everybody seemed very happy with me - I got lots of pats-on-the-back - and that made me very happy with me.

So my bit was done, and they were done with that location, so we got in the van to go back to base camp.

I was in the front seat, when to everyone's surprise, John came over, to ride back in the van with the rest of us.

(I got out to give him the front seat, but he piled in the back, and we were off.)

Back at base camp, we were kind of milling about - I was waiting to be checked out - and I told John I'd just watched the YouTube video of him talking about Sarah Palin (He's not a fan), which led to him doing a performance, just for Yours Truly, of the poem he'd recently written about Sean Hannity (Afterward he said, "Pretty good, huh? Rhymes and everything").

And that was the end of my time with John Cleese.

In very short order, I was signed out, and winging my way homeward (Happily, without directional incident).

All-in-all, a very good day.

I'll probably write more about this tomorrow - I actually want to write about "Chriss", who recently played a major role in An American Carol (He played JFK) - but for now, I think I'm going to see what's on the tee-vee...

Ok, Maybe AFTRA Isn't SO Bad...

The day after I went to the AFTRA office and was told I had to pay the whole initiation fee before working yesterday's job, I got a call from the membership office - Turns out, I didn't have to pay the entire membership fee in advance, and could have just signed over my session fee towards membership.

It makes me a little embarrassed that I forwarded my last entry, in its entirety, to AFTRA.

(Kids, let this be a lesson to you - DON'T EMAIL ANGRY.)

Anyway, I had some email back and forth with Vince Albrigo, who apparently runs the "membership" end of things at AFTRA, and I think where we left it was that they're going to refund the difference between my session fee and the $1300-and-change I shelled out.

(I'm going to email Mr A. and make sure what I think happened actually happened. But long story short, it would seem that yesterday's gig, in financial terms, was a wash. Which is at least better than taking a financial hit for doing a gig.)

AFTRA Tells Me To Bend Over And Grab My Ankles

I don't like AFTRA.

I didn't like them before I went down to the AFTRA office on Friday - You might say I've "drank the SAG Kool-Aid", but I truly believe they've sold the actors they supposedly work for down the river by consistently undercutting SAG on contracts - and I liked them even less afterward.

One of the few things actors like about AFTRA (And it's "one of the few things" because, after all, what struggling actor wants to work and make less than they'd make under a SAG contract?), is that "at least you don't have to pay the full initiation fee up-front" (When you book your second AFTRA job); if you don't have the money to pay the $1300 (And many actors don't), they'll take it out of your session fees.

That's what I'd heard, anyway.

Now granted, I was hoping to hold even that off for awhile, since things are "tight" (and getting tighter by the day), and I could really use the "session fee" for this job on Tuesday. But if pressed, I would have seen having to sign it over as an unpleasant, but not completely unreasonable, reality.

But no, the option to "pay as you go", so to speak, is only available on certain contracts (Like with Soap Operas, for example), and not on the type of job I'm doing - the agreement the producers of this infomercial had to sign with AFTRA stated that they will only hire AFTRA actors who are "paid in full".

No humanity. No "wiggle room". No compromise. No acknowledgment that most actors are lucky to make a couple thousand dollars from acting in any given year.

Just "pay up".

The struggles of actors are really of no importance to the producers (It's not like they couldn't find someone else to do what I'm going to do on Tuesday), and AFTRA couldn't care less - It just wants its money (As I said to them while I was at the office, feeling more than a little bitter about the whole business, "To me, you're just another big organization designed to separate me from my money").

The only person that gets hurt here is Yours Truly, who is in the crazy position of either being a struggling actor and turning down work (Because it doesn't make financial sense to accept it), or else taking the job...for an $800 loss. A loss that makes difficult times just that much more difficult.

(I'm going to net about $500 for the job; AFTRA membership and six-month dues cost me $1363.)

And for the poisoned cherry on top - I had to pay the six-month dues, but since we're at the end of a dues cycle, I'll have to pay it all over again next month.

(Cut me a break under the circumstances? Pro-rate the dues, which seems, again, like a reasonable compromise? Of course not - It's just about getting their money.)

If you sense I'm fuming here, you sense correctly. Getting work is supposed to be a happy thing for an actor - Being a professional actor is mostly about getting rejected, about being an also-ran. But every so often, you win the prize.

Who knew this prize was going to mean going $800+ into the hole?

Representin'

Well, this isn't as clearly a positive development as booking the John Cleese thing (More on that in a moment), but it still feels like a "step in the right direction" (And it could be a much bigger deal in the long run) - On Wednesday, I signed with a new theatrical agency.

Long story short, I'm just not getting out enough. And auditions are the name of the game - I've confident that, if you get me out often enough, I'll book.

But I've gotta get out Pure and simple.

And Brett, my Manager, was still securing more auditions for me than Vicki L./Direct Talent (My Agent).

The goal is to find an agent that gets me out so much I don't need Brett, who's functioned more as a quasi-agent, submitting me for things, than an actual manager (Which begs the question - Why am I paying him 15% for doing the work of an agent who would get 10%?).

(What makes that last bit - the desire to kick Brett to the curb - a little "awkward", is that the meeting with this new agency - Actors LA - came about as a result of the "Manager-Palooza" thing Brett attended a couple weeks ago; they looked over his "stable", and I was one of the people they wanted to call in.)

Anyway, I had the meeting Wednesday afternoon, in North Hollywood.

They liked me, I liked them, and most importantly, they seemed very confident they'd be able to get me out (Did I mention earlier how that's "the name of the game"?).

They wanted me to sign "across the board" (Meaning commercially and theatrically), but I've had a fair amount of success with JS (My commercial agent), so I wasn't up for that (Which seemed to give them pause, but they didn't argue the point too hard).

They also debated with themselves about signing me when they've got "Frank", an actor who's apparently like-me-but-not-exactly-like-me, before determining that they've been a little disappointed with old Frank anyway (Apparently, he's not booking as much as they'd hoped).

They'd already seen my reel, but I guess to make sure they weren't buying a pig-in-a-poke, they asked if I had a monologue I could show them (I did part of the opening bit from The Good Doctor, and they were satisfied).

I actually signed a one-year contract with them, which is a new thing for me - I don't have written contracts with anyone else on my "team" - but I'm okay with that; they're SAG-Franchised, so it's a standard contract, and it has a four-month "out clause" (Which I assume goes both ways) in case things don't work out.

Anyway, I feel hopeful about it.

And right now, hope is "the name of the game".
_________________________
A short time ago, I was recharging my cell, and when I finished, I saw I had a couple voicemails.

There's mild trouble in John Cleese Informercial Land.

Basically, I need to sign up with AFTRA, to be signed up with AFTRA, before the shoot on Tuesday.

My understanding - backed up by Brett - is that typically you can do the AFTRA paperwork on the set; you fill it out along with the normal W-2 stuff (Which is why Brett told me I could just go, fill out my paperwork, and just not fill out the form signing over my paycheck to AFTRA).

But apparently this production company is new or new-ish, hasn't had a lot of dealing with AFTRA, and doesn't know the drill.

So now I'm going to have to go down to AFTRA and sign up with them directly.

I talked to Brett, and he told me not to pay them anything when I do, but I don't know how I'll proceed if they tell me I have to, or they won't let me do the gig.

In a word? Fuck...!

(But let us assume we are all reasonable people here, and that there'll will be a way things can work out to satisfy all parties. Yes, let us assume that.)

Booked It!

Got a call late yesterday afternoon from my manager - I booked the infomercial with John Cleese.

It was a lovely surprise, because I'd reached the point where I was, while still trying to "hold out hope", pretty sure that ship had sailed.

Turned out it had not.

It shoots this coming Tuesday, and right now, that's pretty much all I know.

As I've said before, it's an AFTRA gig, so the money is not great - we're definitely not talking about a "game-changer" here - but it's money I didn't have before, it allows me to "get the ball a little further down-field", and that's good enough for now.

And beyond the most immediate issue of "the money", who knows what positive effect this could have on my career? Maybe none...but I have to believe starting to get work involving famous people like John Cleese is a step in the right direction.

Feels good to win one!

Call Me Pollyanna

When I started this blog, I hoped for a couple things:

1. To be reporting on lots of auditions and bookings.

2. To be making some money (From the ad thing).

Now money is off the table (I know - I've got the little Paypal "donate" thing up, but I'm not expecting anything from that), and auditions and bookings have been so rare this year, I'm wondering if I'm still actually an actor.

And I haven't worked since May, I have a job (With Weight Watchers) that it turns out doesn't come with regular shifts or hours (At this point, I'm a "sub")...and the money just keeps draining away.

And I'm having pain in my lower abdomen; nothing serious (At this point, it's more "discomfort" than actual pain), but since the first time I felt "discomfort" like this (In the 80s) I had a hernia, and the second time (A couple years ago), I had to have a bowel resection and spent a week in the hospital...well, let's just say I'm a little concerned.

(Called earlier this afternoon to make a Doctor's appointment; I'm waiting to hear back, to see if he can "fit me in" this week. Otherwise, I'll have to wait till sometime next week.)

In short, there have been better times to be me.

But, to be fair, there have also been worse times to be me.

But "keeping my sunny-side up", I'm not out of funds yet.

And there's every reason to hope Weight Watchers will pan out better than I'm imagining right now

And there's always the hope of "getting a check in the mail" - Either from JS (For the AT&T spot, or for a renewal of the Comcast promos), From SAG (a residual check from one of my co-star spots), or from Coldstone (I filed a claim with SAG because Coldstone ran my commercial on their website past my contract's expiration date).

And even though the pickings have been sparse, there's still always a shot at getting more auditions, or booking something from the dribs and drabs I'm getting now (Booking anything would be helpful, to be sure. But in pure financial terms, a national commercial would be "just what the doctor ordered").

And regarding my mystery abdominal pain?

Well, I can always hope it's "nothing".

And if it isn't?

At least I have insurance(Till this coming July).

And that, my friends, is how a struggling actor holds off panic and fear for another day...

A Strike? Now? Really?

Just got an email from my commercial agent about the SAG negotiating committee calling for a strike authorization vote.

My first response was, "Now...?".

I am not at all well-versed in how to negotiate, but I just can't see how a strike would be successful right now - with the WGA strike, and the SAG/AMPTP uncertainty, and the economy, and whatever else has been going on, I've had a dismal year (in terms of auditions and bookings), and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone here.

So how are you going to get the rank-and-file to even go for a strike vote? What do you expect them to say - "Yeah, it's been an awful year, and I'm really hurting, but sure - I'll vote to assure I won't make any money from acting for who-knows-how-long"?

I actually agree with SAG on the issues, as I understand them. But when all the AMPTP has to do is say "Look at the economy - it's as bad as it's ever been, and these rich, greedy actors still want more money...", and SAG won't have a friend in the world, how exactly does a strike succeed?
_________________________
While it could still happen - the "hold" is for the 13th-17th of the month - hope wanes that the infomercial with John Cleese is going to turn into an actual gig.

And even if it did, it would just be a band-aid over what's becoming the gaping wound of my finances.
_________________________
I tried yesterday, on a whim (And without success), to look at a cheaper apartment about a 40-minute walk from where I live (It was the first day on the job for the apartment manager, and she apparently didn't have keys for the apartments yet. Which seemed odd, but whatever).

It's a crappier building, in a sketchier area, and undoubtedly, an apartment I'd be much less comfortable in (A "bachelor", as opposed to the comparatively spacious "single" I've lived in for the past six years or so), but the price would be right - almost $190 a month less than I'm paying now (Under those circumstances, what I'm now paying for rent alone would cover all my monthly bills, except for food).

And what's this have to do with acting, you're wondering?

From my perspective, it feels like an object lesson about how an acting career can wax and wane, and how there are just no guarantees; last year I was, in relative terms, "on top", and now...I'm having to consider moving from an apartment I'm very comfortable and happy with, to someplace that will definitely be a step (or three) down, just to be able to "stay in the fight".
_________________________
I emailed my commercial agent a response to his FYI about the SAG thing, pretty much expressing the sentiments about a possible strike that I just shared with you.

He just emailed me back:

I HEAR YA AND I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YA!

On one hand, I believe that the actors deserve what they're asking for but on the other hand, I think it's just the wrong time to strike.

Things are not great in our industry. The "big guns" continue to get wealthier and everyone else gets to scramble for the scraps.

You're a good type and a talented actor so I do hope you work things out to your personal satisfaction and continue pursuing your acting career. There are many actors that I would encourage to pack-it-in and head outta dodge but you're most definitely not one of them!

I hope to keep JS afloat by keeping my roster lean and my overhead even leaner!

Jon

(I like my commercial agent.)

There's really nothing to do here but hang on, hope for the best, and do what I gotta do till the storm blows over.

Wish me luck. Cause I could use some right about now.

OOPS...!

If you're a regular reader, you may notice there are no longer any ads on my page.

Google AdSense emailed me today, letting me know me and my account have been deactivated.

Forever.

You know all that pimping I was doing for my readers to "help me out" by clicking on the ads?

Turns out, I wasn't supposed to be doing that.

If I'd read through all the "dos and don'ts" - which I thought I had - as I was starting up the blog, I would have seen that.

But even more to the point, if I'd just "thought things through", I would have known better.

I honestly didn't think I was doing anything wrong; I figured the advertisers wanted people to see the ads, and I wanted people to see the ads, so me telling you to click on the ads was "win-win".

But in the clear light of day, I understand how what I did (Getting bunches of people to click on the advertising who had no interest in the advertising, but just wanted to "help me out") was basically not providing much value to the advertisers in question, and causing them to pay out much more than they should have been, considering my small readership.

To give you (And me) some perspective: I just filed an online "appeal" of this action (Basically, "throwing myself on the mercy of the court", since I screwed up), and as I was nosing around in the AdSense FAQ/help sections, I saw a "publisher" had a question - "I used to get 11,000-15,000 page impressions a month, and was making $30. Now I'm up to 40,000, and I'm making $15 a month. What gives?" (A fellow "publisher" opined that "times are tough, and people just aren't as interested in buying stuff...").

In comparison to Mr. "40,000 page impressions a month", I was getting maybe 1,000 hits a month...and I just got a check yesterday for $107 - Clearly, a "red flag" to the Google folks.

So here we are - My first "get rich quick" scheme goes down in flames...

But I wanted to thank you, Gentle Readers, for your interest in my blog, and your desire to help me stay afloat. It will no longer mean a monthly check, but it is nevertheless very much appreciated.

I Got Plenty Of Nothin'

At this point, I'd like to be reporting that "Yay! I booked the infomercial with John Cleese!"...but I got nothin'.

That could pretty much be the title of this entry - "I Got Nothin'!".

I got no gigs, no auditions pending, nothing.

(No workshops, even.)

But the thing that sometimes makes me crazy about "The Business" is also one of its saving graces - You don't know what's going to happen next; I could end up not booking the infomercial, and not having any auditions for the next month...but I could just as easily book the gig, and have "the audition that makes all the difference" tomorrow.

Or the day after that.

Or the day after that.

I wrote about how being "on hold" for the infomercial was a good thing, even if I don't book it, because now I have an inroad at that casting office and what-have-you.

But I don't think I said how, even if "'close' only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades", and I need actual bookings, and it's "painful" to get so close and lose, it still means something to be reminded that "I've got game", that even when I don't win, I'm "in contention".

That it's not just "wishful thinking" to assume that, if I don't book this one, I'll book the next one.

I found myself thinking yesterday about getting a $7000 check from my commercial agent last year. And how, while I haven't seen any four-digit acting checks in quite some time, it happened, so there's every likelihood it'll happen again.

And if it were to happen again fairly soon? That would be cool.
_________________________
Speaking of money and checks and all that good stuff...

September is almost over, and I still haven't gotten a check from Google AdSense for all the ad-clicking you nice people did last month.

I'd have to double-check, but I think how it's supposed to work is that, once you pass $100 worth of ad-clicks in a given month, they send you a check, which you're supposed to receive by the end of the following month.

And here we are, at the end of "the following month".

In any case, I will be keeping you all apprised of the situation, since I feel like you've become partners in this little "keeping me afloat" venture of mine.
_________________________
Last night, I went to IOWest (For the uninitiated, "IO" stands for Improv Olympic), with fellow ACG'ers (Molly, Patrick, Stephanie & her boyfriend Nick, and Jim K.), to see our friend Silvia's "Rehab" pilot, which she starred in and co-wrote.

(I thought the show - 22 minutes long - about the crazy staff of a rehab facility, was problematic, but Silvia acquitted herself quite well.)

Being there made me wish people were coming to see something I was in - I always feel that way as an audience member (Going back to when I used to see plays back in Lansing) - but even more than that, made me think I should really explore improv.

When I got home last night, I checked the website about classes, and as I expected, it ain't cheap - $325 for eight once-a-week classes.

I don't think that would be a frivolous expense, mind you, but it just doesn't feel like money I have right now (Not when my finances are such that I'm currently debating what monthly "services" have to go, and which ones I can keep).

But they're doing a free class on the 11th next month, and I think I'm going to try to get in on that. Just to see what's what.

Who knows? Maybe if I proceed "as if" the money will come from somewhere...then the money will come from somewhere.

A Tall Guy On A Short List

(Thank you, "Blue-Sunflowers" and "Happiest Man In America", for the supportive comments after my anxiety-ridden last entry. They were very much appreciated.)

There's happy news to report today - Yesterday morning, while training at the 9:30 a.m. Culver City Weight Watchers meeting, I got a call from my manager; I am "on hold" for the infomercial with John Cleese!

"What does 'on hold' mean", you ask?

Good question.

It could mean I'm it, and it's just a question of them calling Brett back with the shoot day (Sometime between the 13th and the 17th of next month).

But I'm guessing - In part out of "emotional self-defense", and a fear of "getting my hopes up" - that it means the same thing an "avail" means on the commercial side - You don't have the job yet, but they want you to keep your dance-card open...just in case.

Basically, that I'm "on the short list".

Emotionally, I find "holds" and "avails" a pretty mixed bag (And I wish everyone would use the same phraseology about this stuff, so I'd know what the hell people were talking about); yes, a "hold" or an "avail", or whatever you want to call it, is better than not being "held" or "availed", or whatever you want to call it. It's something you should be happy about and take pride in.

But I've had a lot of avails turn into a whole lot of nothing. And it's painful - To want the job as badly as you do, get that close...and then miss out.

But I'm going to stretch my "positive thinking muscle" here, because

1) There's every possibility I'm the guy who booked the gig.

And wouldn't that be loverly?

The money would be negligible, comparatively speaking. But the "brush with greatness" aspect of getting to work with John Cleese? Priceless.

(And...)

2) Even if I'm not the guy who ultimately books the gig, this still has to be seen as a "win"; Kendra C. saw me at a workshop, and I made enough of an impression that she called me in. Then I made enough of an impression at her office that I won "First Runner Up" for the gig (Too bad there's not a cash prize for "First Runner Up" in this case).

I'm now "on the radar" at another major casting office, which is "the name of the game" (Booking the job is great, but there's also something to be said for making such a strong impression that, even if you don't book the job, they keep calling you in for other things).
_________________________
I heard about Paul Newman earlier today.

It wasn't shocking - he was older, and we knew he was in ill health (Diagnosed with lung cancer) - but it's still very sad.

He starred in some of my very favorite movies (Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Sting, and Cool Hand Luke, amongst others), and was one of only a handful of actors I admired as a person as well as an artist (How could you not admire him as a person? In addition to his impressive body of work, he gave about a billion dollars to worthy causes, even before starting "Newman's Own").

Selfishly, I'm sad because a fantasy of mine dies with Paul Newman - like all aspiring actors, I've dreamed of getting to act with my acting heroes.

And how amazing would it have been, being introduced to Paul Newman before doing our first scene together?

(As I said to a friend I just spoke to on the phone, it makes me want to send Dustin Hoffman some vitamins, or write a note to Robert Duvall reminding him to eat right and exercise...)

Acting - Not Just My "Fantasy Career" Anymore

Yesterday's infomercial audition went well, I thought.

It was at Donna Rosenstein Casting, in Burbank, at 800 S. Main, an address housing the casting offices of Reaper (A favorite show), Brothers & Sisters, Samantha Who?, and Kyle XY.

I was early - I've never been there, and am not sure I've ever ridden my bike as far as Burbank, so I gave myself a lot of time - and got in a half-hour before my appointment.

I was reading the part of a "gas station manager", who's apparently none-too-happy to have John Cleese at my gas-station with his Book Of Inside Information (My lines were, "Get out of here! We don't want your kind! And take your book with you!").

A "helpful hint" to my fellow actors - It's kind of important, when memorizing lines for an audition, that you memorize your cues as well.

(You'd think I'd pretty much have that down by now, what with a lifetime of acting behind me - But at yesterday's audition, it wasn't until right before I was about to "do my thing" that I realized I didn't know my cue, and had to quickly glance down at my sides to get it; for the record, it was "...every time you fill up".)

The casting person (Kendra Castleberry, who I've seen at a workshop), had me do two takes, telling me to "go really broad" on the second one, and I left feeling like I did fine, and it was just going to depend on "What they're looking for".

As I've said before - in wistful tones - the days when I left an audition knowing I got the part...are long gone (One of a number of things I miss about my community theater days); now the best feeling I have leaving an audition is thinking, "I did my best...and now it's up to them".

I never "know" I booked the part, but with a good audition, I'll think, "Well, I certainly could book this...".

A fun note; Going in, I ran into an actor I knew coming out (I'd done a commercial with him years ago), and one of the first things he said was, "You've lost a lot of weight! You look great!".

That was nice.

_________________________
I've been thinking a lot about finances of late.

Mostly because they ain't so good right now.

One of the biggest challenges I've faced since moving to LA is trying to figure out "making a living" while pursuing an acting career.

For one thing , it's much more expensive living in LA than it was living in Lansing, MI (When I moved out here and started working at Borders, I was paying more for food and rent, while making less, than I was in Lansing. And I don't mind telling you - it was pretty scary).

You also have to figure out not just how you're going to make enough money to live, but when you're going to make it, while leaving enough time for auditions and/or classes, workshops, plays, etc.

My inability to completely figure this out is one of the reasons I haven't done theater in years - I felt like making theater a priority would mean having to work during the day, which would mean having to put my job in jeopardy every time I got called for an audition (Stress I frankly didn't think I could handle). And since I came out here to work in film and television, and had to make money in the meantime...theater's gotten put on a longer-term "back burner" than I would ever have imagined.

But one way or another, people figure things out, because you have to (Well, some people don't "figure things out"; they're the ones who go back to where they came from, in defeat).

I struggled through early on (Particularly when my savings quickly gave out), working a low-paying job, living on next to nothing, relying on the kindness of friends and well-wishers to help me out more than once, until I got a commercial agent, and eventually started supplementing my low-paying job with low-paying commercial work (This was pre-union).

Eventually, through commercial work, I got into SAG (Screen Actors Guild), and the gigs, when I got them, started paying better.

Then, through a fellow actor living in my building, I discovered the ACG (Actors Co-Op Group). And through casting workshops, eventually started getting auditions for tv (and, much less often, movies), booking my first co-star roles.

(ACG was also how I got my current manager - He used to run ACG before moving into management, signing ACG over to Molly, who'd been his assistant.)

And last year, for the first time, I made substantially more acting than I did through my "straight job" (First at Borders, then at ArcLight Cinemas). In fact, I made more money last year than I've ever made before ever.

It was, in a word, thrilling (To give you some perspective - we're not talking "rich person" money here. More like "lower middle-class" money).

I paid off my credit card bills, paid my car and health insurance premiums in lump-sum payments, and paid my friends some of what I owed them (But only some. And that was a long time ago now, which bothers me).

I went back to Michigan for a visit. I went to a harmonica "Jam Camp" in nearby Irvine. I signed up for a gym membership. I got cable and high-speed internet.

And after a friend bought me an initial ten-week membership, I started going to Weight Watchers (Where I will soon be working).

I don't think it was an extravagant life, but it was certainly a better lifestyle than I'd enjoyed...well, ever, really.

And it was brought to you courtesy of "acting".

That was last year.

Then the Writers strike happened.

Then a lengthy back-and-forth between SAG and the AMPTP happened (And is still happening).

And you've no doubt heard about the country careening towards another "Great Depression"...?

And in the middle of all this, I decided, due in part to my unhappiness over some shifts in policy, to quit my job at ArcLight Cinemas, and go "free-lance" as an actor.

(The primary goal in coming out here has always been "to support myself as an actor" and not work a regular job. But I could see where you might question my timing in "quitting my day job". After all, I've questioned it myself. But that's stuff for another entry.)

What's my point with all this?

The kind of low-paying crap job I've held all my life won't pay the bills out here (Not even at a "baseline" level, let alone supporting the "cable and high-speed" internet lifestyle I've so enjoyed the past year-and-a-half or so). And working at Weight Watchers, while it may be more personally satisfying than things I've done before - we'll see - is basically, money-wise, another "low-paying crap job".

At my age, and with Sleep Apnea to boot, I don't have the energy for multiple jobs (Working and trying to make an acting career happen are two jobs right there), and even if I did, when would I act?

And even if I were to say "Screw it! This acting thing isn't going to work out...", I'd still have the issue of trying to earn a living with no serious money-making skills, education, or interests, as I'm pushing fifty.

I guess what I'm saying is something I've been aware of for a couple years now - Acting is not just my "fantasy career" anymore; I really need it to work out.

I have to succeed, because I genuinely can't imagine what happens if don't.

But for now, right now, I just need acting to "chip in" on the bills - I don't need to live "the high life"...I just want to keep the life going I have right now.

Out With "Earl"/In With John Cleese?

(At this writing, I'm about $1.75 short of my $100 monthly goal - I need to get at least $100 worth of ad "clicks" before Google will cut me a check - so I'd like to take a moment to say "Thanks!". Your support of my efforts is very much appreciated.)

While I'm holding on to a razor-thin, "never say die" hope of getting a call about "Earl" today, I'm about 99.9% certain that ship has sailed; tv production typically moves too fast for there to be this much lag-time between a "producer session" and a decision.

Which means a decision has probably been made, and it didn't go my way.

Disappointing, to say the least - that would have been a nice credit, a fun day on the set, and I would have loved reporting my first booking since starting this blog (Not to mention I could really use the injection of cash right about now) - but life goes on.

I've said before that the best thing you can have happen when you don't book something is to have another audition right away.

I have another audition right away.

(Or pretty close to "right away" - this afternoon at 4:15, at Donna Rosenstein Casting in Burbank.)

It's an infomercial for The Book Of Inside Information (Apparently a tome on bargain-hunting), starring John Cleese.

The bad news?

It's an AFTRA contract, which sucks.

The worse news?

It's an AFTRA contract, which sucks, and I'm a "must-join", which sucks even harder - While AFTRA doesn't make you pony-up the whole membership fee when you have to join, like SAG, I think they basically garnish whatever wage you make under their contracts until you're paid-up.

(UPDATE: I just called my manager to ask about this - He told me that if I were to book the gig today, AFTRA would indeed want me to fill out a form letting them garnish my wages, to apply towards membership. But they can't make me fill it out - They'll just tack on a "late fee" if/when I'm deemed "late" in paying - so it's really no big deal.)

The great news in all this?

If I booked the gig, I'd be doing a bit with John Cleese.

And that would be cool.

(Interestingly, this is at least the third time I've gone in for a commercial starring John Cleese. I'm guessing that might be because he's so tall...but I'm going to tell myself it's because we're both so damned funny.)
_________________________
Continuing my effort to see the new fall shows, I've recently watched Worst Week Ever, a half-hour comedy, and The Mentalist, a drama (Both on CBS).

As a potential viewer, I could imagine watching either show again (Particularly "Worst Week"), but don't feel compelled to based on what I saw.

As an actor, they didn't use a lot of people beyond the series regulars on "Worst Week", so that didn't look too promising. But "Mentalist" has the advantage of any "procedural" show - a big cast, with a lot of guest stars.

Though somehow, I don't think "Mentalist" is going to be around that long; this is Simon Baker's third crack at a series, so obviously the PTB like him, but I don't think there's enough going on here to distinguish this show from any other procedural (And I think it's going to suffer because Psych, on USA, got there first with the "guy-who's-so-perceptive-he-seems-psychic" premise, and plays it for laughs).

With "Worst Week", I wonder how they're going to sustain the premise (likeable-schlub-has-serious-bad-luck), but at least it's a relatively original premise (Except, of course, for being an American knock-off of a British series).
_________________________
I was going to write about my finances vis-a-vis acting, but am realizing that going into it now would make this entry longer than I want it to be (In part, because I want to make time for a nap, if possible, between now and my audition this afternoon), so I think I'm going to save that scintillating topic for my next entry.

Screw The Doubts - I Done Good

Still thinking about the Emmys...

Mostly I'm thinking about two things.

1) The five "hosts" from reality tv.

I've read website commentary suggesting that having five "reality show" hosts hosting the Emmys was an effort to give "legitimacy" to reality programming, to acknowledge that it's part of the tv landscape, and it's here to stay.

I don't buy it.

I can't see how putting five marginally-talented people in front of millions of people, giving them nothing to do (Who in the world thought that rambling, "We've got nothing..." opening was a good idea?), and practically begging the audience to compare them unfavorably to the major-league talents on display (Like Steve Martin, Ricky Gervais, Steven Colbert, John Stewart, Tina Fey, etc. - Any one of whom would have made a better host), could be seen as anything but blatant sabotage.

I genuinely think someone high-up wanted to "make a point" - "Without actors and writers, this is what you get..." - but clearly didn't think through the terrible repercussions. It's the only thing that even "sort of" makes sense.

(I guess they could have been trying to draw the "reality show" audience. But c'mon - Nobody watches American Idol for Ryan Seacrest; you watch a "reality show" for the show, not for the host.)

2) The other thing that struck me as particularly cringe-worthy was how they cut off Kirk Ellis, who won a writing Emmy for John Addams, right as he was talking about the series, "celebrating a time when our leaders spoke complex thoughts in complete sentences".

They cut him off for a promo of the next part of the show - the award for "Best Reality Show" (Not exactly stuff that celebrates people "speaking complex thoughts in complete sentences").

The timing was exquisitely awful; If I were an anti-TV guy - which I'm not - I'd be pointing at that moment, and saying, in my most pretentious tones, "And that, my friends, is why TV sucks...".

Seems like a moment you'd want to avoid on an award program celebrating TV.
_________________________
Well, I had my My Name Is Earl audition yesterday, at the "Earl" production offices in Van Nuys.

My appointment time was 2:00 p.m., but I didn't actually do my thing till around 2:30 (Their production meeting ran long).

As I waited in the lobby - I'd gotten there over a half-hour early - I was struck by the wide range of "types" they'd called in for the role ("Wow, they're really 'all over the map' here", I thought to myself).

But - Duh! - they had a number of roles to cast, so only a handful of actors were there to read for the "Boss" (It varies from office-to-office, but typically, an office may call in 20-30 actors for a "pre-read", and narrow it down to a half-dozen or so for the "producer session"; I was at a "producer session" yesterday).

Anyway, when the time came, I was called into the room.

There were, I think, five people there - I was too excited to do a head-count (I don't know who was who, but I imagine the writer, director, producer, and casting people comprised the five).

I did my thing, and got a very good response.

Then as I started to go, I said, "I had an alternate take..." (As in "...if you want to hear it"), and they said "Sure".

So I gave them a read that "went in a different direction", and it seemed to go over well enough (Though I kind of wished I'd "left well enough alone" - I didn't execute the "alternate take" as well as I'd wanted to).

Then I said, on my way out, "I'm a big fan of the show, so it was just fun being here...".

(And here's where it becomes "interesting" to be me...)

My first response to the experience was to be happy - I went in with a strong choice, did my thing, and it got laughs. And that's pretty much exactly how you want something like this to go.

But that happiness only lasted a few minutes before I started being assailed by doubt; I shouldn't have asked to do the other reading, I shouldn't have said the thing about being a "fan" - I even started doubting their reaction to my first reading ("Were they just being polite...?").

I really had to "rein it in", and remind myself that I've made enough people laugh over the years to know the difference between polite laughter and the genuine article.

And my "alternate take" showed them I'd given a lot of thought to the audition and to my character (And if my first choice really was the better read, that's okay - it shows I knew what the stronger "choice" was).

And in terms of being a "fan" (I worried afterwards that it made me sound like a "civilian")- those people work hard on "Earl", so why wouldn't they be pleased to hear that actors coming in enjoy the show and are happy to be there?

Long story short, screw the doubts - I done good.

In fact, I "done good" enough that, even if I don't get the gig (And the more time passes today, the less likely it seems), I still "won" - I won't be at all surprised if they call me back in for something before the season's over.

And while I'm going into "self-defense mode", assuming at this point that I didn't book it - so I can quickly "get over it" and move on - I'm being a mite premature with the post-mortem; at this point, it's still possible I could get "the call".

And if I do, you'll be the first to know.

Watching The Emmys

(Watching Jimmy Kimmel's pre-Emmy show, and much to my surprise, finding it somewhat entertaining. Go figure - I thought I didn't like him.)

I'll be honest - I've got nothing here. I've already told you about my My Name Is Earl audition tomorrow, and that's pretty much the big acting news.

I'm in great shape for tomorrow - I've got my sides (And have a half-dozen different takes on my two lines), I know what I'm wearing, I have the directions...and I'm up for having some serious fun.

Actually, there is something I haven't mentioned, and it's kind of cool - This is not a "pre-read" I'm going in for; it's a "producer session".

They didn't put out a "breakdown" for it. They just called Brett - my manager - and said they'd like me to come in.

So the decision makers, the big boys, will be there tomorrow (Unless they're not - they may just put me on tape and show it to "the big boys"). And if they like me tomorrow, if they really like me, that's the end of the foreplay - I book the gig.

(I think this is the same casting person that called me in for Gilmore Girls a couple years ago - I'll know for sure if/when I see her tomorrow - but if it is her, it's further testament to the power of casting workshops.)

(Time passes...)

Other than the dismal performance of the "reality hosts" at the beginning (And periodically throughout the show) - and maybe the "Laugh-In" reunion (Which made me a little sad) - I'm basically enjoying The Emmys. Maybe more because I haven't gotten to watch an award show "in real time" in years than anything else; I've always been working.

I don't have any particular favorites (Though I'd dig it if Mad Men won for "Best Drama"), so I'm just watching for the intermittent bits of entertainment.

If I didn't have an early day tomorrow (I'm in my last day of training for working at Weight Watchers, something I'm just doing till I get my series), then my "Earl" audition at 2:00, I'd be at Molly and Jen's house right now, watching the show with The Gang.

Which would have been great fun. But I thought it was pretty important that I give myself at least a fair shot at being awake and energetic and rested tomorrow...considering the circumstances.

So in the spirit of that lofty goal, I take my leave of you (Whoever "you" may be).

Wish me luck with "Earl" tomorrow - Cause it won't be the end of the world if I don't book this gig...but it would sure be cool if I did.

(Hey, Bryan Cranston won for Breaking Bad. That's really cool...!)

Just Goes To SHOW Ya...

Remember how I said I was "ambivalent" about not booking the Microsoft commercial with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates (The one where Bill's trying on shoes at "Shoe Circus"), because even though I thought it was a terrible commercial, they were going to run the hell out of it, and I would have made a lot of money?

Microsoft's pulling the ad.

Scrapping the whole campaign, actually (Three different Gates/Seinfeld ads have aired to date; I don't know if more were planned or not).

Apparently, no one involved ever asked themselves what I asked myself when I went in for the spot (and before I knew the spot was to star Gates and Seinfeld): "How exactly does this sell computers...?".
_________________________
Had a workshop last night, with Arlie Rachwal and Farrah West - casting associates from the offices that cast Lost and Brothers and Sisters (Amongst other things).

What happened when I did the scene I was given once again proved that, as an actor, you can't really gauge the effect you're having on an audience (This actor can't, anyway). And, more to the point, how you feel about your work doesn't mean much.

I was paired with an actress I don't like personally - but who's a decent-enough actor - for a dramatic scene from Brothers and Sisters (I was Danny Glover to my scene partner's Sally Fields).

We worked on the scene outside, and were one of the last people up when the time came to perform.

Now typically, I'm pretty close to having a scene memorized in the 10-15 minutes we're given to work on it.

But not this time.

When we did the scene in front of the casting people, and our fellow actors, I went through the whole thing by the seat of my pants, feeling like I was "chasing the lines"...and at any second, they were going to completely get away from me; I definitely paraphrased a couple, and created some pauses you could drive a semi through while I groped for the next thing I was going to say.

I felt like all anyone could possibly be seeing onstage was an actor groping for his lines.

(Yes, I had the script in my hand But I was rattled, and afraid that if I started looking at the script, I'd be looking at it on every line, security-blanket style. And I've seen enough bad scenes at these things to know that the worst scenes happen when an actor can't relate to their scene partner at all because they're totally stuck in their script.)

Anyway, when we were done, it was all I could do not to blurt out an apology, to the casting people, and to my fellow actors - "God, I'm sorry, Guys - I was having a really hard time with the lines...!" - and I fully expected we'd get a re-direct, since, like I said before, I couldn't imagine the scene had come across the way it was supposed to.

But the casting people were quite happy with the scene (One of them gave us a very enthusiastic "Nice Job!"). We got a good hand from our fellow actors, I got a "thumbs up" from the "regulars" who were there...and there was no re-direct.

I'm sure I didn't do a very good job hiding my surprise; clearly, people had had more fun watching the scene than I'd had performing it (And I could go into why I think that was, but I've got a lot of ground to cover, so I'll save it for another time).

(At evening's end, I could tell my partner was still not thrilled with me...but in terms of "People I Wanted To Impress" that night, she was way down the list, so who cares?)
_________________________
Got a call from my manager today, with an audition for me on Monday.

For My Name Is Earl, the show I recently described as a "Universe I fit into".

I'm going in for the part of "Boss", who fires a guy on Earl's list - Just two lines, but a fun little scene.

I really want this - for all the usual reasons, plus it's a show I actually watch, which is a fantasy of mine (To be cast on a show I currently watch).

And it would be great to have a half-hour comedy credit on my resume - Getting your second half-hour credit is probably a lot easier than getting your first.

And I want to win one.

It's time.

Anyway, that's going to be 2:00 on Monday, so cross your collective fingers.
_________________________
Well, the SAG election results were announced, and it looks like the "Unite for Strength" people won the majority.

I wasn't 100% sold on "Membership First", but felt like they were, for the most part, more in line with my own feelings on the issues in question.

So I can't exactly say my first response is to be happy with the results. But that said, I want things to work out - I want to work, I want to make money, and I want a viable career.

So I'm going to make a choice to "hope for the best"...until and unless circumstances dictate otherwise.

(Well, now I am tempted to go back and theorize on why/how my workshop scene went better than I'd realized. But I've gone on long enough, and it'll keep.)

A Full Vessel

Still thinking about Marvin the Cameraman's comments on Monday...

It makes me wish I'd get more auditions right away, so I could immediately start working on being more "playful".

Actually, the lack of auditions may be part of the problem - While I clearly haven't noticed it happening, I can see how, when the auditions are coming few and far between and the savings are draining away, like what's happening right now, the "fun" could slowly but surely get squeezed out of the process, with each audition becoming terribly important.

That's really not how you want to be going into an audition. That's not the weight you want to be carrying into the room, and you sure as shit don't want them to see you carrying that weight into the room.

So if that's what I'm doing, I'm not going to do that anymore.
_________________________
I'm very curious how the SAG vote is going to turn out (I think we're supposed to find out tomorrow).

The deed is done, at this point, so the only thing to do now is hope that, as a group, we made the right decision.

I guess time will tell.

_________________________
As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been thinking about the importance of being "a full vessel" as an actor.

To be a full fledged person, and not just an acting machine.

It's something I worry about, on a personal level - that if I'm a dull person, who has no interests or life beyond acting, I'm going to become a dull actor, who can't bring characters to life because I don't have a life to draw from.

I actually thought I was going to write about this in one blog entry, and move on.

But as I think about it, this is way beyond the scope of one blog entry; it's one of the central issues of my life at this point - the need to have a life beyond acting, and to have that life inform my acting, thus making me a better actor.

It's tougher than it sounds. Well, it's tough for me anyway. Tough to figure out what even constitutes "having a life" in my circumstances - what does that mean to me? - and tough not to obsess over my acting career, to the exclusion of...well, to the exclusion of everything else.

Acting is very important to me. Always has been. Always will be.

But the irony is that if that's all that's important to me, if that's all I think I'm "about" as a person, I probably won't succeed as an actor.

And again, this all just makes me want to start getting more auditions, so I can work this stuff through under "real world conditions".

But for now, I'm going to "work this stuff through" in my dreams...

Playing Around

Went in for that "Rock The Vote" PSA yesterday.

It was in Santa Monica, at a casting office I've gone to quite a bit over the years (A fact that'll give some "context" to something I'll be writing about in just a minute).

I was going in for the role of "Airport Security Guy"; Basically, I'm trying to get an elderly couple to follow the security check-in procedures, which they're having a hard time understanding because...well, because they're old, basically (The commercial ends with a voiceover - or maybe just a title card, I'm not sure - that says "Old people vote two-to-one over young people. We're just sayin'.").

("Rock The Vote": Promoting Understanding Across Generations.)

Marvin, the camera guy, slated the three of us, set us up, and had us rehearse a few times (Ironically, considering the nature of the spot, the relative "whippersnapper" of the bunch was the first to screw up; I'd misunderstood a bit of direction Marvin had given one of my scene partners, and it threw me off the first time we went through it).

But eventually we started shooting it. We did a couple takes - a take for the couple (Over my shoulder), a take for me (Over their shoulders), and a take or two just to get a good take - and we were done.

(I've said it before - Beyond the fact that it's in friggin' Santa Monica, I like this particular casting office; I've booked a couple commercials from auditions I've had there. And I particularly like "Marvin the Cameraman", because he's genuinely invested in getting your best effort on camera.)

When we were done, Marvin summoned me over.

He'd had to tell me something bad I was doing on camera at one point ("Splitting my focus". Which made me annoyed with myself; after all, how long have I been doing this shit now?), so I thought he was going to give me some other helpful feedback about a particular thing he'd seen on camera - "That thing you do? Don't do that" - something along those lines.

But turned out he had much broader feedback to offer; after issuing a disclaimer ("I could be wrong, I often am..."), he said it seemed like I wasn't "playing" as much as I used to - I was basically "hitting the notes", but not having as much "fun" (Which left me worried about the spot we'd just committed to video, but he said we'd "gotten it" on that last take).

It's not something I've been aware of ("Hey, I'm not 'playing' at auditions like I used to, and as a result, I'm having less fun"), and it's certainly not been a conscious decision on my part ("You know what? I think I'm going to approach commercial auditions with an air of deadly seriousness, and see how that works for me...").

But then again, you can't see yourself, which makes it next-to-impossible to judge what's "coming across" on camera, subconsciously or otherwise, unless someone tells you (And one of the "challenges" here is that no one tells you. Which makes the fact that Marvin bothered to tell me pretty amazing).

I've said it before, I find commercial auditions kind of tough, for a myriad of reasons (Like yesterday - there's no reason we couldn't have gotten the sides in advance. It would certainly have helped me be more comfortable with the lines, which would have helped me have more "fun" on camera).

But that doesn't matter - Whatever the challenge involved in doing my best at these things, I have to do my best at these things.

And my "best" involves bringing my best, loosey-goosey self to the party. Almost everyone out here can "hit the notes"; it's what you do after that that makes all the difference.

Amateurs have fun when the circumstances are "fun"; Pros make something fun happen whatever the circumstances.

And I'll let you guess which group I want to belong to.
_________________________
Not wanting to move my car from its primo parking space in front of my building, and feeling too lazy to schlep the stuff out to Burbank on my bike, yesterday I UPS-ed my headshots and demo reels to my manager, for that big event he's attending this weekend.

(I just got off the phone with him, to give him a head's-up on the package, and he told me the event in question was shaping up to be about 70% agents to 30% casting people; I've got an agent, but in the unlikely event an agent there was particularly excited about me, I'd certainly be willing to "have a conversation" with them. But anyway...)

I'm not expecting anything to come of it, which is probably a good way to look at it - That way, I can be delightfully surprised when it provides the next big leg-up on my "journey to the stars".
_________________________
Well, it's old news now, but I sent out my SAG ballot.

I read all the emails that came from both sides, and went back and forth on how to vote as a result. I was really torn.

But ultimately, I went with Membership First.

On the one hand, I was kind of afraid not to vote for them, because I feel that if they don't get voted back in, it would be a vote of "no-confidence" on what they're negotiating for with the AMPTP, and the producers would run with that.

And on the other hand, the "Qualified Voting" thing, even if it's not part of Unite for Strength's official "platform", sends a message that their side is not my side (The majority of Unite for Strength's candidates previously tried to push through a "Qualified Voting" amendment).

I hope I didn't fuck up.
_________________________
Well, I was going to write about something else (The importance of "being a full vessel" as an actor), but that's really an entry in itself, so I think I'm going to end here, check the movie listings, and see if there's something out there worth seeing...

Dealing With An A.N.T. Problem

Got a lot on my mind, and no time to get to most of it, but here goes nothing...

The topic at my weekly Weight Watchers meeting yesterday (Lost a pound this past week, BTW) was about combating our A.N.T.s (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

Of course, the leader was talking specifically about negative thoughts relating to food and weight loss and what-have-you, but after the meeting, my thoughts turned to my acting-career A.N.T.s (Worrying about my looks, my age, the current lack of auditions, etc. and so forth; basically, me looking for reasons why I'm not going to make it).

My life would sure be easier if I wasn't constantly assailed by doubts, but unfortunately, I don't think those doubts are going anywhere.

So the best I can do is use the same intellect that dredges them up to argue against them.

Fortunately, it's one thing I've gotten better at with age, because in this environment, it's easy to be overwhelmed by the odds against you. And it's easy to "go negative", as a way to steel yourself against the pain of rejection and (possible) failure.

It's particularly easy for me to "go negative". I've got some serious "skills" in that department.

But I want to quit spending so much time and effort "going negative", steeling myself against "the pain of rejection and (possible) failure", and start spending more time and effort "preparing myself for the rewards of financial and creative success".

And who knows? Maybe thinking my "A.N.T.s" aren't going anywhere is the biggest A.N.T. of all.

Maybe in time, I'm going to get so good at arguing against my doubts and negative thoughts that my mind will start thinking "Why even bother being negative? Old 'Master Debater' here will just argue us out of it anyway...".

It could happen.

One Good "Yes"

I'm going in for a "Rock The Vote" PSA on Monday.

I really enjoy getting called on a Friday for a Monday audition; it's nice to have something to look forward to on Monday all weekend long, and to feel like the week ahead will be getting off to a good start.

I'm going in for "Airport Security Guy", and it's a funny spot.

That's pretty much all I know from the breakdown, except for this intriguing bit: "THESE SCRIPTS POKE FUN AT ELDERLY PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR. ANYONE WHO WOULD BE OFFENDED BY THAT SHOULD PROBABLY NOT AUDITION."

(I'm pretty sure the only way I'd be offended was if they were bringing me in to play the elderly person whose behavior is being poked fun at. Otherwise, I'm totally ready to...Rock The Vote!)

It's not going to be a big cash bonanza, should I book it - No residuals. Just the "shoot fee" for the day - but I want it anyway. Cause for one thing, it's still money, and money is a good thing.

And for another - and this is the eternal optimist talking now - they'll air the heck out of it, and if it's actually funny, and my "Airport Security Guy" is part of the actual funniness, that could be good for my fledgling career.

But mostly, I just want to win one. It's been way too long...

Anyway, that's on Monday.
_________________________
In my continuing effort to catch new tv shows, I watched two episodes of the SWAT procedural Flashpoint on CBS.com earlier today (Flashpoint has actually been on the air for a couple weeks now; it bumped Swingtown, a summer show I liked quite a bit, from its original Thursday @ 10:00 timeslot).

I kind of wish I'd Googled the show first, cause then I wouldn't have needed to watch it - It shoots in Canada.

(If a show doesn't shoot here in LA, it's very unlikely I'll get cast in it - Guest Star roles might be cast out of LA, but I'm not at that level yet. And smaller Co-Star roles get cast wherever the show shoots - Because why would you pay to fly me to Toronto, for example, if I just have one line?)

So, as an actor, the show's a bust for me (Which is too bad, because it seems like there's all kinds of room for me in a good procedural).

As someone who just likes watching tv, the episodes I watched were pretty solidly mediocre. There was nothing that made me feel like I needed to add Flashpoint to the rotation.
_________________________
Picked up the 25 copies of my demo reel earlier this afternoon.

I'm still uncomfortable about the expense, but how's that old saying go? - "You have to spend money to make money"?

And all I need to make it a worthwhile expense is for just one person to look at it and say "Yes". That's all I need.

Just one good "Yes".

Workshoppin'

Had my first workshop of the month earlier tonite (With Geralyn Flood, from Zane-Pillsbury, the office that casts The Sarah Connor Chronicles, amongst other things).

It went well - I was partnered with Molly again, in a comedy scene as a divorced couple, and we rocked it.

I've said it before - It's ten tons of fun when you get to go up with someone, you don't have to worry about them (Whether they're funny, whether they can keep up or not), and you know they don't need to worry about you, and you can just play. When you don't have to worry whether it's going to go well because you know it's going to go well.

I haven't experienced it on a professional level yet, what I've just described...but I'm looking forward to it; as I used to say when I was doing community theater back in Lansing, "The only thing better than acting would be acting...then having someone hand you a check afterwards."

I'm still looking for those two things to come together - the fun of actually getting to act, and the fun of getting a paycheck afterwards.

But it's gonna be sweet...

On The Lookout

As a tv viewer, I'm not on the lookout for new shows - My viewing schedule, as is stands, is about as full as I want it to be.

But as an actor, I'm definitely on the lookout for new shows...new shows I can work on.

So far, I've seen Above The Bar, Sons Of Anarchy, Fringe, and Do Not Disturb (For good measure, I've seen Above The Bar and Sons of Anarchy twice; they debuted last week).

I could see maybe making a habit of S.O.A. and Fringe - They were pretty decent - but feel like I can now safely skip A.B.T. (Which was solidly "meh" both weeks) and D.N.T. (A laugh-free sit-com starring Jerry O'Connell).

But assuming they all shoot here in L.A. (Or at least California, in the case of S.O.A.), I could work on all four shows (Though with D.N.T., a show about the staff of a hotel, they managed to go through their entire first episode without anyone apparently staying at the hotel, so that one's a "maybe", since I'd cast me in a Guest Star role as an eccentric hotel guest).

When I say "I could work" on a given show, I don't just mean a one-line co-star part - that could come up on any show. I mean, watching the show in question, I could see myself working on it in a meaningful way, as guest star, recurring character, or even a series regular.

I "fit" in the My Name Is Earl universe, for example (Likewise on a show like The Closer - I could totally be in the "Priority Homicide" squad), while not so much on Gossip Girl or 90210 (Though 90210's ratings fell dramatically in its second week, so whether or not I "fit" on that show might be a moot point ).

Shows with big, age-diverse casts are good. Shows with large numbers of weekly guest stars are good (Procedurals, hospital shows, etc.)

In any case, hopefully I'll be fitting into someone's tv universe sometime soon.
_________________________
And with the fall season revving up, one would assume that will mean more commercial production.

I'm seeing the Microsoft commercial I went in for, with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates, all over the place.

I'm also seeing the Maytag commercial I auditioned for quite a bit (The one where a voting booth isn't working, until the "Maytag Repairman" comes out with a handful of ballots that were stuck in the machine; I was up for "Beleaguered Polling-Booth Guy").

Now, I've said before, I always feel a little twinge when I see commercials I went in for and didn't get, as I think of the fun experience I didn't have, and all the money I'm not making.

But...The "flip side" is that I've won the prize before, so it's not a big intellectual leapto imagine, before too long, that some other actor will soon be watching a commercial I've booked, thinking, "I went infor that spot...".

(Gotta wrap this up pretty soon - I have to head out to a workshop in a few minutes...)

I still haven't filled out my SAG election ballot.

This is my dilemma, as I spelled it out in my journal:

I'm worried about elections for the Screen Actors Guild (An election that could have a more direct impact on my life than the national election) - on the one hand, there's the group in power, whose hearts seem to be in the right place, but who may be too combative and reactionary to get anything done (And who might wreck the union in the process, as the opposition says they've already done); on the other hand, there's the group who may be willing to screw over the "little guy" and play kissy-face with management just to keep "business as usual" running smoothly, and keep their big paychecks coming in (And basically wrecking the union in the process).

How do I vote, without being afraid I'm doing more harm than good? What's an actor to do?

But earlier, I realized that both factions have websites, and I've got some time yet (The ballot doesn't have to be in till the 18th), so I think I'm going to check out the websites, and if there's an email address, I'm going email both sides with my concerns, see if I get any answers, and if I do, if I like the answers I get.

Otherwise, I'm just going to close my eyes, and start filling in circles.

And on that note, I gotta go.