A Full Vessel

Still thinking about Marvin the Cameraman's comments on Monday...

It makes me wish I'd get more auditions right away, so I could immediately start working on being more "playful".

Actually, the lack of auditions may be part of the problem - While I clearly haven't noticed it happening, I can see how, when the auditions are coming few and far between and the savings are draining away, like what's happening right now, the "fun" could slowly but surely get squeezed out of the process, with each audition becoming terribly important.

That's really not how you want to be going into an audition. That's not the weight you want to be carrying into the room, and you sure as shit don't want them to see you carrying that weight into the room.

So if that's what I'm doing, I'm not going to do that anymore.
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I'm very curious how the SAG vote is going to turn out (I think we're supposed to find out tomorrow).

The deed is done, at this point, so the only thing to do now is hope that, as a group, we made the right decision.

I guess time will tell.

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As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been thinking about the importance of being "a full vessel" as an actor.

To be a full fledged person, and not just an acting machine.

It's something I worry about, on a personal level - that if I'm a dull person, who has no interests or life beyond acting, I'm going to become a dull actor, who can't bring characters to life because I don't have a life to draw from.

I actually thought I was going to write about this in one blog entry, and move on.

But as I think about it, this is way beyond the scope of one blog entry; it's one of the central issues of my life at this point - the need to have a life beyond acting, and to have that life inform my acting, thus making me a better actor.

It's tougher than it sounds. Well, it's tough for me anyway. Tough to figure out what even constitutes "having a life" in my circumstances - what does that mean to me? - and tough not to obsess over my acting career, to the exclusion of...well, to the exclusion of everything else.

Acting is very important to me. Always has been. Always will be.

But the irony is that if that's all that's important to me, if that's all I think I'm "about" as a person, I probably won't succeed as an actor.

And again, this all just makes me want to start getting more auditions, so I can work this stuff through under "real world conditions".

But for now, I'm going to "work this stuff through" in my dreams...