OOPS...!

If you're a regular reader, you may notice there are no longer any ads on my page.

Google AdSense emailed me today, letting me know me and my account have been deactivated.

Forever.

You know all that pimping I was doing for my readers to "help me out" by clicking on the ads?

Turns out, I wasn't supposed to be doing that.

If I'd read through all the "dos and don'ts" - which I thought I had - as I was starting up the blog, I would have seen that.

But even more to the point, if I'd just "thought things through", I would have known better.

I honestly didn't think I was doing anything wrong; I figured the advertisers wanted people to see the ads, and I wanted people to see the ads, so me telling you to click on the ads was "win-win".

But in the clear light of day, I understand how what I did (Getting bunches of people to click on the advertising who had no interest in the advertising, but just wanted to "help me out") was basically not providing much value to the advertisers in question, and causing them to pay out much more than they should have been, considering my small readership.

To give you (And me) some perspective: I just filed an online "appeal" of this action (Basically, "throwing myself on the mercy of the court", since I screwed up), and as I was nosing around in the AdSense FAQ/help sections, I saw a "publisher" had a question - "I used to get 11,000-15,000 page impressions a month, and was making $30. Now I'm up to 40,000, and I'm making $15 a month. What gives?" (A fellow "publisher" opined that "times are tough, and people just aren't as interested in buying stuff...").

In comparison to Mr. "40,000 page impressions a month", I was getting maybe 1,000 hits a month...and I just got a check yesterday for $107 - Clearly, a "red flag" to the Google folks.

So here we are - My first "get rich quick" scheme goes down in flames...

But I wanted to thank you, Gentle Readers, for your interest in my blog, and your desire to help me stay afloat. It will no longer mean a monthly check, but it is nevertheless very much appreciated.

I Got Plenty Of Nothin'

At this point, I'd like to be reporting that "Yay! I booked the infomercial with John Cleese!"...but I got nothin'.

That could pretty much be the title of this entry - "I Got Nothin'!".

I got no gigs, no auditions pending, nothing.

(No workshops, even.)

But the thing that sometimes makes me crazy about "The Business" is also one of its saving graces - You don't know what's going to happen next; I could end up not booking the infomercial, and not having any auditions for the next month...but I could just as easily book the gig, and have "the audition that makes all the difference" tomorrow.

Or the day after that.

Or the day after that.

I wrote about how being "on hold" for the infomercial was a good thing, even if I don't book it, because now I have an inroad at that casting office and what-have-you.

But I don't think I said how, even if "'close' only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades", and I need actual bookings, and it's "painful" to get so close and lose, it still means something to be reminded that "I've got game", that even when I don't win, I'm "in contention".

That it's not just "wishful thinking" to assume that, if I don't book this one, I'll book the next one.

I found myself thinking yesterday about getting a $7000 check from my commercial agent last year. And how, while I haven't seen any four-digit acting checks in quite some time, it happened, so there's every likelihood it'll happen again.

And if it were to happen again fairly soon? That would be cool.
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Speaking of money and checks and all that good stuff...

September is almost over, and I still haven't gotten a check from Google AdSense for all the ad-clicking you nice people did last month.

I'd have to double-check, but I think how it's supposed to work is that, once you pass $100 worth of ad-clicks in a given month, they send you a check, which you're supposed to receive by the end of the following month.

And here we are, at the end of "the following month".

In any case, I will be keeping you all apprised of the situation, since I feel like you've become partners in this little "keeping me afloat" venture of mine.
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Last night, I went to IOWest (For the uninitiated, "IO" stands for Improv Olympic), with fellow ACG'ers (Molly, Patrick, Stephanie & her boyfriend Nick, and Jim K.), to see our friend Silvia's "Rehab" pilot, which she starred in and co-wrote.

(I thought the show - 22 minutes long - about the crazy staff of a rehab facility, was problematic, but Silvia acquitted herself quite well.)

Being there made me wish people were coming to see something I was in - I always feel that way as an audience member (Going back to when I used to see plays back in Lansing) - but even more than that, made me think I should really explore improv.

When I got home last night, I checked the website about classes, and as I expected, it ain't cheap - $325 for eight once-a-week classes.

I don't think that would be a frivolous expense, mind you, but it just doesn't feel like money I have right now (Not when my finances are such that I'm currently debating what monthly "services" have to go, and which ones I can keep).

But they're doing a free class on the 11th next month, and I think I'm going to try to get in on that. Just to see what's what.

Who knows? Maybe if I proceed "as if" the money will come from somewhere...then the money will come from somewhere.

A Tall Guy On A Short List

(Thank you, "Blue-Sunflowers" and "Happiest Man In America", for the supportive comments after my anxiety-ridden last entry. They were very much appreciated.)

There's happy news to report today - Yesterday morning, while training at the 9:30 a.m. Culver City Weight Watchers meeting, I got a call from my manager; I am "on hold" for the infomercial with John Cleese!

"What does 'on hold' mean", you ask?

Good question.

It could mean I'm it, and it's just a question of them calling Brett back with the shoot day (Sometime between the 13th and the 17th of next month).

But I'm guessing - In part out of "emotional self-defense", and a fear of "getting my hopes up" - that it means the same thing an "avail" means on the commercial side - You don't have the job yet, but they want you to keep your dance-card open...just in case.

Basically, that I'm "on the short list".

Emotionally, I find "holds" and "avails" a pretty mixed bag (And I wish everyone would use the same phraseology about this stuff, so I'd know what the hell people were talking about); yes, a "hold" or an "avail", or whatever you want to call it, is better than not being "held" or "availed", or whatever you want to call it. It's something you should be happy about and take pride in.

But I've had a lot of avails turn into a whole lot of nothing. And it's painful - To want the job as badly as you do, get that close...and then miss out.

But I'm going to stretch my "positive thinking muscle" here, because

1) There's every possibility I'm the guy who booked the gig.

And wouldn't that be loverly?

The money would be negligible, comparatively speaking. But the "brush with greatness" aspect of getting to work with John Cleese? Priceless.

(And...)

2) Even if I'm not the guy who ultimately books the gig, this still has to be seen as a "win"; Kendra C. saw me at a workshop, and I made enough of an impression that she called me in. Then I made enough of an impression at her office that I won "First Runner Up" for the gig (Too bad there's not a cash prize for "First Runner Up" in this case).

I'm now "on the radar" at another major casting office, which is "the name of the game" (Booking the job is great, but there's also something to be said for making such a strong impression that, even if you don't book the job, they keep calling you in for other things).
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I heard about Paul Newman earlier today.

It wasn't shocking - he was older, and we knew he was in ill health (Diagnosed with lung cancer) - but it's still very sad.

He starred in some of my very favorite movies (Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Sting, and Cool Hand Luke, amongst others), and was one of only a handful of actors I admired as a person as well as an artist (How could you not admire him as a person? In addition to his impressive body of work, he gave about a billion dollars to worthy causes, even before starting "Newman's Own").

Selfishly, I'm sad because a fantasy of mine dies with Paul Newman - like all aspiring actors, I've dreamed of getting to act with my acting heroes.

And how amazing would it have been, being introduced to Paul Newman before doing our first scene together?

(As I said to a friend I just spoke to on the phone, it makes me want to send Dustin Hoffman some vitamins, or write a note to Robert Duvall reminding him to eat right and exercise...)

Acting - Not Just My "Fantasy Career" Anymore

Yesterday's infomercial audition went well, I thought.

It was at Donna Rosenstein Casting, in Burbank, at 800 S. Main, an address housing the casting offices of Reaper (A favorite show), Brothers & Sisters, Samantha Who?, and Kyle XY.

I was early - I've never been there, and am not sure I've ever ridden my bike as far as Burbank, so I gave myself a lot of time - and got in a half-hour before my appointment.

I was reading the part of a "gas station manager", who's apparently none-too-happy to have John Cleese at my gas-station with his Book Of Inside Information (My lines were, "Get out of here! We don't want your kind! And take your book with you!").

A "helpful hint" to my fellow actors - It's kind of important, when memorizing lines for an audition, that you memorize your cues as well.

(You'd think I'd pretty much have that down by now, what with a lifetime of acting behind me - But at yesterday's audition, it wasn't until right before I was about to "do my thing" that I realized I didn't know my cue, and had to quickly glance down at my sides to get it; for the record, it was "...every time you fill up".)

The casting person (Kendra Castleberry, who I've seen at a workshop), had me do two takes, telling me to "go really broad" on the second one, and I left feeling like I did fine, and it was just going to depend on "What they're looking for".

As I've said before - in wistful tones - the days when I left an audition knowing I got the part...are long gone (One of a number of things I miss about my community theater days); now the best feeling I have leaving an audition is thinking, "I did my best...and now it's up to them".

I never "know" I booked the part, but with a good audition, I'll think, "Well, I certainly could book this...".

A fun note; Going in, I ran into an actor I knew coming out (I'd done a commercial with him years ago), and one of the first things he said was, "You've lost a lot of weight! You look great!".

That was nice.

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I've been thinking a lot about finances of late.

Mostly because they ain't so good right now.

One of the biggest challenges I've faced since moving to LA is trying to figure out "making a living" while pursuing an acting career.

For one thing , it's much more expensive living in LA than it was living in Lansing, MI (When I moved out here and started working at Borders, I was paying more for food and rent, while making less, than I was in Lansing. And I don't mind telling you - it was pretty scary).

You also have to figure out not just how you're going to make enough money to live, but when you're going to make it, while leaving enough time for auditions and/or classes, workshops, plays, etc.

My inability to completely figure this out is one of the reasons I haven't done theater in years - I felt like making theater a priority would mean having to work during the day, which would mean having to put my job in jeopardy every time I got called for an audition (Stress I frankly didn't think I could handle). And since I came out here to work in film and television, and had to make money in the meantime...theater's gotten put on a longer-term "back burner" than I would ever have imagined.

But one way or another, people figure things out, because you have to (Well, some people don't "figure things out"; they're the ones who go back to where they came from, in defeat).

I struggled through early on (Particularly when my savings quickly gave out), working a low-paying job, living on next to nothing, relying on the kindness of friends and well-wishers to help me out more than once, until I got a commercial agent, and eventually started supplementing my low-paying job with low-paying commercial work (This was pre-union).

Eventually, through commercial work, I got into SAG (Screen Actors Guild), and the gigs, when I got them, started paying better.

Then, through a fellow actor living in my building, I discovered the ACG (Actors Co-Op Group). And through casting workshops, eventually started getting auditions for tv (and, much less often, movies), booking my first co-star roles.

(ACG was also how I got my current manager - He used to run ACG before moving into management, signing ACG over to Molly, who'd been his assistant.)

And last year, for the first time, I made substantially more acting than I did through my "straight job" (First at Borders, then at ArcLight Cinemas). In fact, I made more money last year than I've ever made before ever.

It was, in a word, thrilling (To give you some perspective - we're not talking "rich person" money here. More like "lower middle-class" money).

I paid off my credit card bills, paid my car and health insurance premiums in lump-sum payments, and paid my friends some of what I owed them (But only some. And that was a long time ago now, which bothers me).

I went back to Michigan for a visit. I went to a harmonica "Jam Camp" in nearby Irvine. I signed up for a gym membership. I got cable and high-speed internet.

And after a friend bought me an initial ten-week membership, I started going to Weight Watchers (Where I will soon be working).

I don't think it was an extravagant life, but it was certainly a better lifestyle than I'd enjoyed...well, ever, really.

And it was brought to you courtesy of "acting".

That was last year.

Then the Writers strike happened.

Then a lengthy back-and-forth between SAG and the AMPTP happened (And is still happening).

And you've no doubt heard about the country careening towards another "Great Depression"...?

And in the middle of all this, I decided, due in part to my unhappiness over some shifts in policy, to quit my job at ArcLight Cinemas, and go "free-lance" as an actor.

(The primary goal in coming out here has always been "to support myself as an actor" and not work a regular job. But I could see where you might question my timing in "quitting my day job". After all, I've questioned it myself. But that's stuff for another entry.)

What's my point with all this?

The kind of low-paying crap job I've held all my life won't pay the bills out here (Not even at a "baseline" level, let alone supporting the "cable and high-speed" internet lifestyle I've so enjoyed the past year-and-a-half or so). And working at Weight Watchers, while it may be more personally satisfying than things I've done before - we'll see - is basically, money-wise, another "low-paying crap job".

At my age, and with Sleep Apnea to boot, I don't have the energy for multiple jobs (Working and trying to make an acting career happen are two jobs right there), and even if I did, when would I act?

And even if I were to say "Screw it! This acting thing isn't going to work out...", I'd still have the issue of trying to earn a living with no serious money-making skills, education, or interests, as I'm pushing fifty.

I guess what I'm saying is something I've been aware of for a couple years now - Acting is not just my "fantasy career" anymore; I really need it to work out.

I have to succeed, because I genuinely can't imagine what happens if don't.

But for now, right now, I just need acting to "chip in" on the bills - I don't need to live "the high life"...I just want to keep the life going I have right now.

Out With "Earl"/In With John Cleese?

(At this writing, I'm about $1.75 short of my $100 monthly goal - I need to get at least $100 worth of ad "clicks" before Google will cut me a check - so I'd like to take a moment to say "Thanks!". Your support of my efforts is very much appreciated.)

While I'm holding on to a razor-thin, "never say die" hope of getting a call about "Earl" today, I'm about 99.9% certain that ship has sailed; tv production typically moves too fast for there to be this much lag-time between a "producer session" and a decision.

Which means a decision has probably been made, and it didn't go my way.

Disappointing, to say the least - that would have been a nice credit, a fun day on the set, and I would have loved reporting my first booking since starting this blog (Not to mention I could really use the injection of cash right about now) - but life goes on.

I've said before that the best thing you can have happen when you don't book something is to have another audition right away.

I have another audition right away.

(Or pretty close to "right away" - this afternoon at 4:15, at Donna Rosenstein Casting in Burbank.)

It's an infomercial for The Book Of Inside Information (Apparently a tome on bargain-hunting), starring John Cleese.

The bad news?

It's an AFTRA contract, which sucks.

The worse news?

It's an AFTRA contract, which sucks, and I'm a "must-join", which sucks even harder - While AFTRA doesn't make you pony-up the whole membership fee when you have to join, like SAG, I think they basically garnish whatever wage you make under their contracts until you're paid-up.

(UPDATE: I just called my manager to ask about this - He told me that if I were to book the gig today, AFTRA would indeed want me to fill out a form letting them garnish my wages, to apply towards membership. But they can't make me fill it out - They'll just tack on a "late fee" if/when I'm deemed "late" in paying - so it's really no big deal.)

The great news in all this?

If I booked the gig, I'd be doing a bit with John Cleese.

And that would be cool.

(Interestingly, this is at least the third time I've gone in for a commercial starring John Cleese. I'm guessing that might be because he's so tall...but I'm going to tell myself it's because we're both so damned funny.)
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Continuing my effort to see the new fall shows, I've recently watched Worst Week Ever, a half-hour comedy, and The Mentalist, a drama (Both on CBS).

As a potential viewer, I could imagine watching either show again (Particularly "Worst Week"), but don't feel compelled to based on what I saw.

As an actor, they didn't use a lot of people beyond the series regulars on "Worst Week", so that didn't look too promising. But "Mentalist" has the advantage of any "procedural" show - a big cast, with a lot of guest stars.

Though somehow, I don't think "Mentalist" is going to be around that long; this is Simon Baker's third crack at a series, so obviously the PTB like him, but I don't think there's enough going on here to distinguish this show from any other procedural (And I think it's going to suffer because Psych, on USA, got there first with the "guy-who's-so-perceptive-he-seems-psychic" premise, and plays it for laughs).

With "Worst Week", I wonder how they're going to sustain the premise (likeable-schlub-has-serious-bad-luck), but at least it's a relatively original premise (Except, of course, for being an American knock-off of a British series).
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I was going to write about my finances vis-a-vis acting, but am realizing that going into it now would make this entry longer than I want it to be (In part, because I want to make time for a nap, if possible, between now and my audition this afternoon), so I think I'm going to save that scintillating topic for my next entry.

Screw The Doubts - I Done Good

Still thinking about the Emmys...

Mostly I'm thinking about two things.

1) The five "hosts" from reality tv.

I've read website commentary suggesting that having five "reality show" hosts hosting the Emmys was an effort to give "legitimacy" to reality programming, to acknowledge that it's part of the tv landscape, and it's here to stay.

I don't buy it.

I can't see how putting five marginally-talented people in front of millions of people, giving them nothing to do (Who in the world thought that rambling, "We've got nothing..." opening was a good idea?), and practically begging the audience to compare them unfavorably to the major-league talents on display (Like Steve Martin, Ricky Gervais, Steven Colbert, John Stewart, Tina Fey, etc. - Any one of whom would have made a better host), could be seen as anything but blatant sabotage.

I genuinely think someone high-up wanted to "make a point" - "Without actors and writers, this is what you get..." - but clearly didn't think through the terrible repercussions. It's the only thing that even "sort of" makes sense.

(I guess they could have been trying to draw the "reality show" audience. But c'mon - Nobody watches American Idol for Ryan Seacrest; you watch a "reality show" for the show, not for the host.)

2) The other thing that struck me as particularly cringe-worthy was how they cut off Kirk Ellis, who won a writing Emmy for John Addams, right as he was talking about the series, "celebrating a time when our leaders spoke complex thoughts in complete sentences".

They cut him off for a promo of the next part of the show - the award for "Best Reality Show" (Not exactly stuff that celebrates people "speaking complex thoughts in complete sentences").

The timing was exquisitely awful; If I were an anti-TV guy - which I'm not - I'd be pointing at that moment, and saying, in my most pretentious tones, "And that, my friends, is why TV sucks...".

Seems like a moment you'd want to avoid on an award program celebrating TV.
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Well, I had my My Name Is Earl audition yesterday, at the "Earl" production offices in Van Nuys.

My appointment time was 2:00 p.m., but I didn't actually do my thing till around 2:30 (Their production meeting ran long).

As I waited in the lobby - I'd gotten there over a half-hour early - I was struck by the wide range of "types" they'd called in for the role ("Wow, they're really 'all over the map' here", I thought to myself).

But - Duh! - they had a number of roles to cast, so only a handful of actors were there to read for the "Boss" (It varies from office-to-office, but typically, an office may call in 20-30 actors for a "pre-read", and narrow it down to a half-dozen or so for the "producer session"; I was at a "producer session" yesterday).

Anyway, when the time came, I was called into the room.

There were, I think, five people there - I was too excited to do a head-count (I don't know who was who, but I imagine the writer, director, producer, and casting people comprised the five).

I did my thing, and got a very good response.

Then as I started to go, I said, "I had an alternate take..." (As in "...if you want to hear it"), and they said "Sure".

So I gave them a read that "went in a different direction", and it seemed to go over well enough (Though I kind of wished I'd "left well enough alone" - I didn't execute the "alternate take" as well as I'd wanted to).

Then I said, on my way out, "I'm a big fan of the show, so it was just fun being here...".

(And here's where it becomes "interesting" to be me...)

My first response to the experience was to be happy - I went in with a strong choice, did my thing, and it got laughs. And that's pretty much exactly how you want something like this to go.

But that happiness only lasted a few minutes before I started being assailed by doubt; I shouldn't have asked to do the other reading, I shouldn't have said the thing about being a "fan" - I even started doubting their reaction to my first reading ("Were they just being polite...?").

I really had to "rein it in", and remind myself that I've made enough people laugh over the years to know the difference between polite laughter and the genuine article.

And my "alternate take" showed them I'd given a lot of thought to the audition and to my character (And if my first choice really was the better read, that's okay - it shows I knew what the stronger "choice" was).

And in terms of being a "fan" (I worried afterwards that it made me sound like a "civilian")- those people work hard on "Earl", so why wouldn't they be pleased to hear that actors coming in enjoy the show and are happy to be there?

Long story short, screw the doubts - I done good.

In fact, I "done good" enough that, even if I don't get the gig (And the more time passes today, the less likely it seems), I still "won" - I won't be at all surprised if they call me back in for something before the season's over.

And while I'm going into "self-defense mode", assuming at this point that I didn't book it - so I can quickly "get over it" and move on - I'm being a mite premature with the post-mortem; at this point, it's still possible I could get "the call".

And if I do, you'll be the first to know.

Watching The Emmys

(Watching Jimmy Kimmel's pre-Emmy show, and much to my surprise, finding it somewhat entertaining. Go figure - I thought I didn't like him.)

I'll be honest - I've got nothing here. I've already told you about my My Name Is Earl audition tomorrow, and that's pretty much the big acting news.

I'm in great shape for tomorrow - I've got my sides (And have a half-dozen different takes on my two lines), I know what I'm wearing, I have the directions...and I'm up for having some serious fun.

Actually, there is something I haven't mentioned, and it's kind of cool - This is not a "pre-read" I'm going in for; it's a "producer session".

They didn't put out a "breakdown" for it. They just called Brett - my manager - and said they'd like me to come in.

So the decision makers, the big boys, will be there tomorrow (Unless they're not - they may just put me on tape and show it to "the big boys"). And if they like me tomorrow, if they really like me, that's the end of the foreplay - I book the gig.

(I think this is the same casting person that called me in for Gilmore Girls a couple years ago - I'll know for sure if/when I see her tomorrow - but if it is her, it's further testament to the power of casting workshops.)

(Time passes...)

Other than the dismal performance of the "reality hosts" at the beginning (And periodically throughout the show) - and maybe the "Laugh-In" reunion (Which made me a little sad) - I'm basically enjoying The Emmys. Maybe more because I haven't gotten to watch an award show "in real time" in years than anything else; I've always been working.

I don't have any particular favorites (Though I'd dig it if Mad Men won for "Best Drama"), so I'm just watching for the intermittent bits of entertainment.

If I didn't have an early day tomorrow (I'm in my last day of training for working at Weight Watchers, something I'm just doing till I get my series), then my "Earl" audition at 2:00, I'd be at Molly and Jen's house right now, watching the show with The Gang.

Which would have been great fun. But I thought it was pretty important that I give myself at least a fair shot at being awake and energetic and rested tomorrow...considering the circumstances.

So in the spirit of that lofty goal, I take my leave of you (Whoever "you" may be).

Wish me luck with "Earl" tomorrow - Cause it won't be the end of the world if I don't book this gig...but it would sure be cool if I did.

(Hey, Bryan Cranston won for Breaking Bad. That's really cool...!)

Just Goes To SHOW Ya...

Remember how I said I was "ambivalent" about not booking the Microsoft commercial with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates (The one where Bill's trying on shoes at "Shoe Circus"), because even though I thought it was a terrible commercial, they were going to run the hell out of it, and I would have made a lot of money?

Microsoft's pulling the ad.

Scrapping the whole campaign, actually (Three different Gates/Seinfeld ads have aired to date; I don't know if more were planned or not).

Apparently, no one involved ever asked themselves what I asked myself when I went in for the spot (and before I knew the spot was to star Gates and Seinfeld): "How exactly does this sell computers...?".
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Had a workshop last night, with Arlie Rachwal and Farrah West - casting associates from the offices that cast Lost and Brothers and Sisters (Amongst other things).

What happened when I did the scene I was given once again proved that, as an actor, you can't really gauge the effect you're having on an audience (This actor can't, anyway). And, more to the point, how you feel about your work doesn't mean much.

I was paired with an actress I don't like personally - but who's a decent-enough actor - for a dramatic scene from Brothers and Sisters (I was Danny Glover to my scene partner's Sally Fields).

We worked on the scene outside, and were one of the last people up when the time came to perform.

Now typically, I'm pretty close to having a scene memorized in the 10-15 minutes we're given to work on it.

But not this time.

When we did the scene in front of the casting people, and our fellow actors, I went through the whole thing by the seat of my pants, feeling like I was "chasing the lines"...and at any second, they were going to completely get away from me; I definitely paraphrased a couple, and created some pauses you could drive a semi through while I groped for the next thing I was going to say.

I felt like all anyone could possibly be seeing onstage was an actor groping for his lines.

(Yes, I had the script in my hand But I was rattled, and afraid that if I started looking at the script, I'd be looking at it on every line, security-blanket style. And I've seen enough bad scenes at these things to know that the worst scenes happen when an actor can't relate to their scene partner at all because they're totally stuck in their script.)

Anyway, when we were done, it was all I could do not to blurt out an apology, to the casting people, and to my fellow actors - "God, I'm sorry, Guys - I was having a really hard time with the lines...!" - and I fully expected we'd get a re-direct, since, like I said before, I couldn't imagine the scene had come across the way it was supposed to.

But the casting people were quite happy with the scene (One of them gave us a very enthusiastic "Nice Job!"). We got a good hand from our fellow actors, I got a "thumbs up" from the "regulars" who were there...and there was no re-direct.

I'm sure I didn't do a very good job hiding my surprise; clearly, people had had more fun watching the scene than I'd had performing it (And I could go into why I think that was, but I've got a lot of ground to cover, so I'll save it for another time).

(At evening's end, I could tell my partner was still not thrilled with me...but in terms of "People I Wanted To Impress" that night, she was way down the list, so who cares?)
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Got a call from my manager today, with an audition for me on Monday.

For My Name Is Earl, the show I recently described as a "Universe I fit into".

I'm going in for the part of "Boss", who fires a guy on Earl's list - Just two lines, but a fun little scene.

I really want this - for all the usual reasons, plus it's a show I actually watch, which is a fantasy of mine (To be cast on a show I currently watch).

And it would be great to have a half-hour comedy credit on my resume - Getting your second half-hour credit is probably a lot easier than getting your first.

And I want to win one.

It's time.

Anyway, that's going to be 2:00 on Monday, so cross your collective fingers.
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Well, the SAG election results were announced, and it looks like the "Unite for Strength" people won the majority.

I wasn't 100% sold on "Membership First", but felt like they were, for the most part, more in line with my own feelings on the issues in question.

So I can't exactly say my first response is to be happy with the results. But that said, I want things to work out - I want to work, I want to make money, and I want a viable career.

So I'm going to make a choice to "hope for the best"...until and unless circumstances dictate otherwise.

(Well, now I am tempted to go back and theorize on why/how my workshop scene went better than I'd realized. But I've gone on long enough, and it'll keep.)

A Full Vessel

Still thinking about Marvin the Cameraman's comments on Monday...

It makes me wish I'd get more auditions right away, so I could immediately start working on being more "playful".

Actually, the lack of auditions may be part of the problem - While I clearly haven't noticed it happening, I can see how, when the auditions are coming few and far between and the savings are draining away, like what's happening right now, the "fun" could slowly but surely get squeezed out of the process, with each audition becoming terribly important.

That's really not how you want to be going into an audition. That's not the weight you want to be carrying into the room, and you sure as shit don't want them to see you carrying that weight into the room.

So if that's what I'm doing, I'm not going to do that anymore.
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I'm very curious how the SAG vote is going to turn out (I think we're supposed to find out tomorrow).

The deed is done, at this point, so the only thing to do now is hope that, as a group, we made the right decision.

I guess time will tell.

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As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been thinking about the importance of being "a full vessel" as an actor.

To be a full fledged person, and not just an acting machine.

It's something I worry about, on a personal level - that if I'm a dull person, who has no interests or life beyond acting, I'm going to become a dull actor, who can't bring characters to life because I don't have a life to draw from.

I actually thought I was going to write about this in one blog entry, and move on.

But as I think about it, this is way beyond the scope of one blog entry; it's one of the central issues of my life at this point - the need to have a life beyond acting, and to have that life inform my acting, thus making me a better actor.

It's tougher than it sounds. Well, it's tough for me anyway. Tough to figure out what even constitutes "having a life" in my circumstances - what does that mean to me? - and tough not to obsess over my acting career, to the exclusion of...well, to the exclusion of everything else.

Acting is very important to me. Always has been. Always will be.

But the irony is that if that's all that's important to me, if that's all I think I'm "about" as a person, I probably won't succeed as an actor.

And again, this all just makes me want to start getting more auditions, so I can work this stuff through under "real world conditions".

But for now, I'm going to "work this stuff through" in my dreams...

Playing Around

Went in for that "Rock The Vote" PSA yesterday.

It was in Santa Monica, at a casting office I've gone to quite a bit over the years (A fact that'll give some "context" to something I'll be writing about in just a minute).

I was going in for the role of "Airport Security Guy"; Basically, I'm trying to get an elderly couple to follow the security check-in procedures, which they're having a hard time understanding because...well, because they're old, basically (The commercial ends with a voiceover - or maybe just a title card, I'm not sure - that says "Old people vote two-to-one over young people. We're just sayin'.").

("Rock The Vote": Promoting Understanding Across Generations.)

Marvin, the camera guy, slated the three of us, set us up, and had us rehearse a few times (Ironically, considering the nature of the spot, the relative "whippersnapper" of the bunch was the first to screw up; I'd misunderstood a bit of direction Marvin had given one of my scene partners, and it threw me off the first time we went through it).

But eventually we started shooting it. We did a couple takes - a take for the couple (Over my shoulder), a take for me (Over their shoulders), and a take or two just to get a good take - and we were done.

(I've said it before - Beyond the fact that it's in friggin' Santa Monica, I like this particular casting office; I've booked a couple commercials from auditions I've had there. And I particularly like "Marvin the Cameraman", because he's genuinely invested in getting your best effort on camera.)

When we were done, Marvin summoned me over.

He'd had to tell me something bad I was doing on camera at one point ("Splitting my focus". Which made me annoyed with myself; after all, how long have I been doing this shit now?), so I thought he was going to give me some other helpful feedback about a particular thing he'd seen on camera - "That thing you do? Don't do that" - something along those lines.

But turned out he had much broader feedback to offer; after issuing a disclaimer ("I could be wrong, I often am..."), he said it seemed like I wasn't "playing" as much as I used to - I was basically "hitting the notes", but not having as much "fun" (Which left me worried about the spot we'd just committed to video, but he said we'd "gotten it" on that last take).

It's not something I've been aware of ("Hey, I'm not 'playing' at auditions like I used to, and as a result, I'm having less fun"), and it's certainly not been a conscious decision on my part ("You know what? I think I'm going to approach commercial auditions with an air of deadly seriousness, and see how that works for me...").

But then again, you can't see yourself, which makes it next-to-impossible to judge what's "coming across" on camera, subconsciously or otherwise, unless someone tells you (And one of the "challenges" here is that no one tells you. Which makes the fact that Marvin bothered to tell me pretty amazing).

I've said it before, I find commercial auditions kind of tough, for a myriad of reasons (Like yesterday - there's no reason we couldn't have gotten the sides in advance. It would certainly have helped me be more comfortable with the lines, which would have helped me have more "fun" on camera).

But that doesn't matter - Whatever the challenge involved in doing my best at these things, I have to do my best at these things.

And my "best" involves bringing my best, loosey-goosey self to the party. Almost everyone out here can "hit the notes"; it's what you do after that that makes all the difference.

Amateurs have fun when the circumstances are "fun"; Pros make something fun happen whatever the circumstances.

And I'll let you guess which group I want to belong to.
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Not wanting to move my car from its primo parking space in front of my building, and feeling too lazy to schlep the stuff out to Burbank on my bike, yesterday I UPS-ed my headshots and demo reels to my manager, for that big event he's attending this weekend.

(I just got off the phone with him, to give him a head's-up on the package, and he told me the event in question was shaping up to be about 70% agents to 30% casting people; I've got an agent, but in the unlikely event an agent there was particularly excited about me, I'd certainly be willing to "have a conversation" with them. But anyway...)

I'm not expecting anything to come of it, which is probably a good way to look at it - That way, I can be delightfully surprised when it provides the next big leg-up on my "journey to the stars".
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Well, it's old news now, but I sent out my SAG ballot.

I read all the emails that came from both sides, and went back and forth on how to vote as a result. I was really torn.

But ultimately, I went with Membership First.

On the one hand, I was kind of afraid not to vote for them, because I feel that if they don't get voted back in, it would be a vote of "no-confidence" on what they're negotiating for with the AMPTP, and the producers would run with that.

And on the other hand, the "Qualified Voting" thing, even if it's not part of Unite for Strength's official "platform", sends a message that their side is not my side (The majority of Unite for Strength's candidates previously tried to push through a "Qualified Voting" amendment).

I hope I didn't fuck up.
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Well, I was going to write about something else (The importance of "being a full vessel" as an actor), but that's really an entry in itself, so I think I'm going to end here, check the movie listings, and see if there's something out there worth seeing...

Dealing With An A.N.T. Problem

Got a lot on my mind, and no time to get to most of it, but here goes nothing...

The topic at my weekly Weight Watchers meeting yesterday (Lost a pound this past week, BTW) was about combating our A.N.T.s (Automatic Negative Thoughts).

Of course, the leader was talking specifically about negative thoughts relating to food and weight loss and what-have-you, but after the meeting, my thoughts turned to my acting-career A.N.T.s (Worrying about my looks, my age, the current lack of auditions, etc. and so forth; basically, me looking for reasons why I'm not going to make it).

My life would sure be easier if I wasn't constantly assailed by doubts, but unfortunately, I don't think those doubts are going anywhere.

So the best I can do is use the same intellect that dredges them up to argue against them.

Fortunately, it's one thing I've gotten better at with age, because in this environment, it's easy to be overwhelmed by the odds against you. And it's easy to "go negative", as a way to steel yourself against the pain of rejection and (possible) failure.

It's particularly easy for me to "go negative". I've got some serious "skills" in that department.

But I want to quit spending so much time and effort "going negative", steeling myself against "the pain of rejection and (possible) failure", and start spending more time and effort "preparing myself for the rewards of financial and creative success".

And who knows? Maybe thinking my "A.N.T.s" aren't going anywhere is the biggest A.N.T. of all.

Maybe in time, I'm going to get so good at arguing against my doubts and negative thoughts that my mind will start thinking "Why even bother being negative? Old 'Master Debater' here will just argue us out of it anyway...".

It could happen.

One Good "Yes"

I'm going in for a "Rock The Vote" PSA on Monday.

I really enjoy getting called on a Friday for a Monday audition; it's nice to have something to look forward to on Monday all weekend long, and to feel like the week ahead will be getting off to a good start.

I'm going in for "Airport Security Guy", and it's a funny spot.

That's pretty much all I know from the breakdown, except for this intriguing bit: "THESE SCRIPTS POKE FUN AT ELDERLY PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR. ANYONE WHO WOULD BE OFFENDED BY THAT SHOULD PROBABLY NOT AUDITION."

(I'm pretty sure the only way I'd be offended was if they were bringing me in to play the elderly person whose behavior is being poked fun at. Otherwise, I'm totally ready to...Rock The Vote!)

It's not going to be a big cash bonanza, should I book it - No residuals. Just the "shoot fee" for the day - but I want it anyway. Cause for one thing, it's still money, and money is a good thing.

And for another - and this is the eternal optimist talking now - they'll air the heck out of it, and if it's actually funny, and my "Airport Security Guy" is part of the actual funniness, that could be good for my fledgling career.

But mostly, I just want to win one. It's been way too long...

Anyway, that's on Monday.
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In my continuing effort to catch new tv shows, I watched two episodes of the SWAT procedural Flashpoint on CBS.com earlier today (Flashpoint has actually been on the air for a couple weeks now; it bumped Swingtown, a summer show I liked quite a bit, from its original Thursday @ 10:00 timeslot).

I kind of wish I'd Googled the show first, cause then I wouldn't have needed to watch it - It shoots in Canada.

(If a show doesn't shoot here in LA, it's very unlikely I'll get cast in it - Guest Star roles might be cast out of LA, but I'm not at that level yet. And smaller Co-Star roles get cast wherever the show shoots - Because why would you pay to fly me to Toronto, for example, if I just have one line?)

So, as an actor, the show's a bust for me (Which is too bad, because it seems like there's all kinds of room for me in a good procedural).

As someone who just likes watching tv, the episodes I watched were pretty solidly mediocre. There was nothing that made me feel like I needed to add Flashpoint to the rotation.
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Picked up the 25 copies of my demo reel earlier this afternoon.

I'm still uncomfortable about the expense, but how's that old saying go? - "You have to spend money to make money"?

And all I need to make it a worthwhile expense is for just one person to look at it and say "Yes". That's all I need.

Just one good "Yes".

Workshoppin'

Had my first workshop of the month earlier tonite (With Geralyn Flood, from Zane-Pillsbury, the office that casts The Sarah Connor Chronicles, amongst other things).

It went well - I was partnered with Molly again, in a comedy scene as a divorced couple, and we rocked it.

I've said it before - It's ten tons of fun when you get to go up with someone, you don't have to worry about them (Whether they're funny, whether they can keep up or not), and you know they don't need to worry about you, and you can just play. When you don't have to worry whether it's going to go well because you know it's going to go well.

I haven't experienced it on a professional level yet, what I've just described...but I'm looking forward to it; as I used to say when I was doing community theater back in Lansing, "The only thing better than acting would be acting...then having someone hand you a check afterwards."

I'm still looking for those two things to come together - the fun of actually getting to act, and the fun of getting a paycheck afterwards.

But it's gonna be sweet...

On The Lookout

As a tv viewer, I'm not on the lookout for new shows - My viewing schedule, as is stands, is about as full as I want it to be.

But as an actor, I'm definitely on the lookout for new shows...new shows I can work on.

So far, I've seen Above The Bar, Sons Of Anarchy, Fringe, and Do Not Disturb (For good measure, I've seen Above The Bar and Sons of Anarchy twice; they debuted last week).

I could see maybe making a habit of S.O.A. and Fringe - They were pretty decent - but feel like I can now safely skip A.B.T. (Which was solidly "meh" both weeks) and D.N.T. (A laugh-free sit-com starring Jerry O'Connell).

But assuming they all shoot here in L.A. (Or at least California, in the case of S.O.A.), I could work on all four shows (Though with D.N.T., a show about the staff of a hotel, they managed to go through their entire first episode without anyone apparently staying at the hotel, so that one's a "maybe", since I'd cast me in a Guest Star role as an eccentric hotel guest).

When I say "I could work" on a given show, I don't just mean a one-line co-star part - that could come up on any show. I mean, watching the show in question, I could see myself working on it in a meaningful way, as guest star, recurring character, or even a series regular.

I "fit" in the My Name Is Earl universe, for example (Likewise on a show like The Closer - I could totally be in the "Priority Homicide" squad), while not so much on Gossip Girl or 90210 (Though 90210's ratings fell dramatically in its second week, so whether or not I "fit" on that show might be a moot point ).

Shows with big, age-diverse casts are good. Shows with large numbers of weekly guest stars are good (Procedurals, hospital shows, etc.)

In any case, hopefully I'll be fitting into someone's tv universe sometime soon.
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And with the fall season revving up, one would assume that will mean more commercial production.

I'm seeing the Microsoft commercial I went in for, with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates, all over the place.

I'm also seeing the Maytag commercial I auditioned for quite a bit (The one where a voting booth isn't working, until the "Maytag Repairman" comes out with a handful of ballots that were stuck in the machine; I was up for "Beleaguered Polling-Booth Guy").

Now, I've said before, I always feel a little twinge when I see commercials I went in for and didn't get, as I think of the fun experience I didn't have, and all the money I'm not making.

But...The "flip side" is that I've won the prize before, so it's not a big intellectual leapto imagine, before too long, that some other actor will soon be watching a commercial I've booked, thinking, "I went infor that spot...".

(Gotta wrap this up pretty soon - I have to head out to a workshop in a few minutes...)

I still haven't filled out my SAG election ballot.

This is my dilemma, as I spelled it out in my journal:

I'm worried about elections for the Screen Actors Guild (An election that could have a more direct impact on my life than the national election) - on the one hand, there's the group in power, whose hearts seem to be in the right place, but who may be too combative and reactionary to get anything done (And who might wreck the union in the process, as the opposition says they've already done); on the other hand, there's the group who may be willing to screw over the "little guy" and play kissy-face with management just to keep "business as usual" running smoothly, and keep their big paychecks coming in (And basically wrecking the union in the process).

How do I vote, without being afraid I'm doing more harm than good? What's an actor to do?

But earlier, I realized that both factions have websites, and I've got some time yet (The ballot doesn't have to be in till the 18th), so I think I'm going to check out the websites, and if there's an email address, I'm going email both sides with my concerns, see if I get any answers, and if I do, if I like the answers I get.

Otherwise, I'm just going to close my eyes, and start filling in circles.

And on that note, I gotta go.

The Forbidden Love-Child Of Brad Garrett & Dennis Franz

(Thanks to everyone who ad-clicked like crazy yesterday when dropping by - I'm already at over $38 this month...!)

In other happy monetary news, I got a nice little residual check in yesterday's mail, for the AT&T Yellow Pages commercial I shot earlier this year.

For maybe an hour or so afterwards, I was a happy little actor, thinking about how that check would just about cover groceries for the month, or put a serious dent in next month's rent.

Then I went to the bike shop, to get new tires (The old ones had both developed slow leaks, and were balder than I am), then to Lightning Media, to have 25 copies of my demo reel made.

Between the two expenditures - which were both way more than I thought they'd be - I had maybe enough money left from my "nice little residual check" to do a load or two of laundry.

(Riding my bike as much as I do, and hating flats, I opted for high-tech, flat-resistant, teflon-coated tires, innertubes, rim liners, etc. And it cost a pretty penny, but now I have bike tires that can take a direct hit from a small-caliber handgun...which is pretty important here in L.A.)

In all honestly, I'm a lot happier about spending money on bike tires than I am about spending money on copies of my demo reel - At least with the tires, I experience an immediate benefit, and don't feel like I'm throwing money down a hole.

To explain - My manager sent out an email to his clients a day or two ago: He's going to some kind of "Manager-palooza" thing next weekend, and wants to take along any "promotional materials" we have - Headshots and resumes, postcards, demo reels, etc. - so he can hawk us to agents, casting people, etc.

Now, I know I shouldn't be a glass-half-empty, "Negative Nelly"-type actor, but it's hard to imagine, at ManagerFest 2008, that agents and casting people will be beating the bushes for the middle-aged "forbidden love-child of Brad Garrett and Dennis Franz" (As someone once described me), instead of pretty, 90210/Gossip Girl actor-bots.

Harder still to imagine that Brett (My manager) is going to spend a lot of time peddling my wares, when he has "stars" like Kim H. (Who recently got a lead in her first independent film, that played at Tribeca), and Joe W. (Who was "recurring" on Gray's Anatomy last year).

(Though Brett actually should "peddle my wares" - Cause while it's unlikely I'll ever be a "star", there's every likelihood I'll still be working 20 years from now, long after Kim and Joe have had their day.)

But even though I don't feel terribly positive about this event, and the chances of anything meaningful happening, it's also possible lightning will strike.

Cause it's always possible that lightning will strike.

And if it does - If a big time casting person goes up to Brett's table, wondering if he just happens to represent any middle-aged actors who look like "the forbidden love-child of Brad Garrett and Dennis Franz" - I want Brett to be able to say "Have I got an actor for you...!", as he hands him (Or her) my headshot and demo reel.

(If you're new in town and/or new to the business: If you have a demo reel, or when you get enough footage together for a demo reel, don't waste your money getting a zillion copies made. It's not neccessary - Except maybe in situations like I've just written about. Instead, make sure you have your reel online, at someplace like Actors Access, so if someone asks about your reel, you can send them the link...and everyone's happy.)

The Waiting Part

(Hey, let me start out by saying I hit almost $25 worth of ad clicks for this past week, so...thanks!)

Just got back a short time ago from dinner at Jen and Molly's place in North Hollywood (Jen was going with her boyfriend to the Magic Castle, and looked like a million bucks. Which, to be honest, made me feel a little horny and a little heartsick at the same time, since I've had a crush on her for the past couple years. But anyway...).

A number of people had stories to tell about auditions and callbacks, and even about getting some honest-to-goodness work.

I'm happy to say that my reaction to hearing about other people having auditions and booking jobs, while my career is an arid wasteland, has gotten a little more...sophisticated over the years.

For instance, I don't wish those people dead anymore.

This is progress.

And I don't call their talent into question (All of the people in question are talented enough that they should be in the position of going out and booking jobs).

I don't begrudge them their success. I just want to play too.

But to put a more positive spin on things, at least this suggests The Great Slowdown Of 2008 might be easing up. So while I'm not going out right now, there's renewed hope that I will this week, or next, or soon.

But I do feel like I have to acknowledge a certain reality - I'm running into something that was one of the main reasons I avoided "walking this path" for 20-odd years; I'm as talented as any, and more talented than most, but I'm an odd-looking duck.

A really odd-looking duck.

And that being the case, I'm going to have a harder time getting cast in a lot of things, while watching a lot of people no more talented than I am going out a lot more, and getting further, faster, than I'm going to.

I knew that going in.

Add that reality to my relatively advanced age, and you have a couple of pretty formidable challenges to success.

But that said, I'm not the first ugly guy to ever come out to Hollywood, and I'm not the first guy to start a career in middle-age - Other talented folks have done it as well. They've faced the same challenges I have, and they've succeeded.

And so will I.
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All That Jazz is one of my favorite movies.

Early in the movie, we see "Joe Gideon" - the Bob Fosse character played by Roy Scheider - high in the air, on a tightrope.

Then we hear him, in voiceover, quoting tightrope walker Karl Wallenda (Who had died maybe a year before the film began production) - "To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting."

Then we see him, in slow motion, falling off the wire - symbolizing, with sledgehammer subtlety, that the movie we're about to see will be the tightrope act of Gideon/Fosse's drinking, drugging, cheating, workaholic life coming to an end.

"To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting."

When I first heard that line in the theater, back in 1979, I knew exactly what he meant.

I feel that way about acting. Always have.

Still do.

It used to seem romantic.

Now it seems like a problem

"Hamlet 2" Met My Low Expectations

I went to the movies yesterday, because I was "bored".

I don't typically go to the movies just for "something to do"; I think that kind of thing leads to seeing bad movies, and when you see a bad movie, you're basically telling bad movie-makers, "Please make more of these".

And as an actor - not to mention a person who likes movies - I don't want that.

But like I said, I was really bored yesterday and didn't know what to do with myself.

And since there's not much out worth seeing right now (That I haven't already seen), I walked down to the Los Feliz 3 and saw Hamlet 2, a movie I suspected was not really worth my time.

My verdict?

While it wasn't so bad that I felt guilty patronizing it - because "now the filmmakers are going to make more like this..." - It wasn't all that good either; I'd say my low expectations were pretty much met.

In short, you really don't need to rush out to see it on my account; it was funny in spots...but only in spots (My biggest problem was Steve Coogan - You're supposed to root for his character, but I mostly just found him annoying. And that's not good when you're talking about the lead).

If you want to see a movie about an untalented person (Or persons) putting a show together, I'd stick with Waiting For Guffman, still "the gold standard" for this sort of thing.

But if you just need to get out of the house, and you're looking for laughs, go see Tropic Thunder instead (And if you're already seen it, see it again - It's definitely a better value for your movie-comedy dollar, even on the second go-round; I would have watched it again last night, since it's at the Vista, just a stone's throw from the Los Feliz, but I'm seeing it next week with a friend).
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I'm still reading The Eight Characters Of Comedy, and realizing, as I read about "The Materialistic One", that it's the one type of comedic role I actually couldn't do; I don't look wealthy, I've never been wealthy, and most importantly, I "just don't get it" - I've never felt my primary motivation in life was to acquire more "stuff", and I don't really understand those who do feel that way, so it would be tough for me to "find my way into" a character like that.

At the end of each chapter on the "eight characters", the author lists examples of each type throughout sitcom history.

And I noticed that, while there are specific examples of each type I've enjoyed watching over the years, the ones I'm least like personally and least likely to be asked to play are also, in general, the character types I'm least likely to think of as "favorite characters" (My favorite characters are much more likely to be "loveable losers" and "neurotics" than "bitch/bastards" or "materialistic ones").

And that makes sense - I think you "bond" to a character on tv (Comedy or drama) because you relate to them in some way; you're like them, you're afraid you're like them, or you wish to be like them.

Anyway...

Seems like there was something else I was going to write about, but I sure can't think of what it was...

But I guess it'll keep, whatever it was.

Fitting In

I just saw this youtube.com/watch?v=afR5J7eskno online...

I went in for it not too long ago; it was a very secretive affair, identified only as "Project X", so I didn't know it would be the first commercial of Jerry Seinfeld's new campaign for Microsoft, and that my "co-stars" would be Jerry Seinfeld & Bill Gates.

I'm almost glad I didn't get it.

I say "almost" only because money's money, after all (And the spot is going to run a lot).

But in my opinion, the spot isn't funny, or particularly effective as advertising (If this is Microsoft competing with the "Mac vs. PC" ads, it's an "epic fail", as the kids say); I'm a fairly bright guy, and I just don't understand how Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates in a shoe store is selling us on the virtue of Microsoft.

And I don't think it does Seinfeld any favors, beyond making him another $10 million he doesn't need anyway; it's just going to add to the growing perception that Larry David was clearly a bigger reason for the success of Seinfeld than most of us realized at the time.

What's interesting is that when I went in for the spot, what I thought what was funny - to the degree the copy was funny - was the plight of the poor, beleaguered shoe salesmen (Who are just bit players in the completed product). Cause that's really the way the copy reads.

(And you could do the very same spot, shift the focus, drop Gates and Seinfeld - who, shockingly enough, aren't very good actors - and have a very effective PSA for staying in school: "Get an education, or you could end up like this".)

It reminds me that, yes, I want to make money, but it's also really important to do things that are good, things that are funny (If they're supposed to be funny). Things that work, that do what they set out to do.

Cause even if it's just a commercial, I want it to be a good commercial (If I'm selling soap, I kind of want you to want to run out and buy soap afterwards).
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But speaking of "funny"...

I'm currently about two-thirds of the way through The Eight Characters Of Comedy; A Guide To Sitcom Acting And Writing, by Scott Sedita.

Sedita devotes some time to "Sitcom History", "Half-Hour Technique", etc., but naturally, the bulk of the book is about his "Eight Characters", eight comedic archetypes that pretty much cover all the sitcom characters you can think of - breaking down their character traits, their underlying motivations, listing famous examples throughout sitcom history, etc.

I think the book is definitely worthwhile, particularly if you're coming in from "ground zero" comedically (The early part of the book, on "Half-Hour Technique", is worth the price of admission all by itself).

For me, a lot of what I'm reading is either stuff I've heard before (During a 4 week "comedy intensive" with casting associate Nick Anderson, who was working on My Name Is Earl at the time, and is now on Desperate Housewives), or stuff that feels kind of self-evident.

But the book has still served a good function, which is to make me think about how I "fit" into tv comedy, where I belong in the comedic scheme-of-things.

Actors tend to think they can play anything, and this actor is no exception - I think there are circumstances where I could play any of the "Eight Characters" in question - but being realistic about who I am and what I look like (What I naturally "bring to the table"), I'm most likely to be cast as "The Loveable Loser", "The Neurotic", or "In Their Own Universe", and least likely to be "The Bitch/Bastard", "The Womanizer/Manizer", or "The Materialistic One" ("The Smart, Logical One" and "The Dumb One" are judgement calls - Again, I think I could play either and it wouldn't be bad casting...but in most situations, you could probably do better).

It's something that isn't necessarily a comfortable process - trying to see yourself how others see you, for one thing, and admitting who you essentially are as a person for another - but it's pretty important to know what you have to work with as an actor.

(It just struck me - When you do that, if you do that, you can turn personal failings into professional strengths.)
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For the past couple years, I've tried to make a point, during each new tv season, of seeing as many new shows as possible (Like reading The Eight Characters Of Comedy, I watch the shows thinking about where I "fit into the equation"...or where I don't).

To that end, I recently DVR'd Raising The Bar and Sons of Anarchy.

As an audience member, I was not knocked out by either show.

But I give the edge to Sons Of Anarchy, because Ron Perlman is a more compelling actor than anyone on Raising The Bar (And I don't like Mark-Paul Gosselar as much as Stephen Bochco obviously does).

And Sons Of Anarchy, about a criminal motorcycle gang that runs a small California town, is a somewhat more original premise than yet another legal drama.

As to where I "fit", I could imagine being cast on either show, but again, cause Sons of Anarchy is something a little different, I think that would be more fun (Though there's something to be said for getting in good with Stephen Bochco. Cause if he likes you as an actor, he hires you over and over again; he really seems to enjoy having a "rep group" of actors).

And on that note, I'm going back to bed, so I can dream of the day I'm acting on tv shows and not just watching them...

Finding The Perfect Theater (Opportunity)

Paying this month's rent - which goes up every year at this time - has once again got me thinking, "Man! It sure would be nice to book a gig...!".

But anyway...

Well, I've broken down and signed up for a couple workshops this month - one next Thursday and one the following Thursday - but I think that's okay (They're casting workshops, after all; It's not like I'm reneging on my vow to stop doing crack...though I'd say there is a certain "addictive element" involved in both enterprises).

Right now, workshops are the only thing I've got telling me I'm "making an effort" in my career. Which is both the reason I want to keep doing them...and why I feel like they're something of a problem (On top of the previously-mentioned, "I'm getting tired of paying people to let me act, and no one paying me" frustration. Though that "frustration" is mixed with the satisfaction of showing casting people what I can do, and the fun of strutting my stuff in front of my peers).

In terms of doing theater, which I keep braying about to anyone who'll listen, I've bought a couple copies of Backstage West recently, have checked in periodically at Actors Access (Actors Access is part of Breakdown Services), and have bookmarked a website called Auditions.com, but feel like my efforts have been scattershot and half-hearted at best.

So what's the problem?

Part of the problem is that I tried to do theater when I first came out here, years ago, and didn't have a single good experience; I quit one production during rehearsal, was fired from another during rehearsal (Actually, before rehearsal even started), passed on another gig (Because it was basically a bit part for a show way out in Downey, and what would have been the point?), and in the only play I've actually done out here, a bad one-act called Crossing The Line, I was cast - I still don't understand why - in a role that was clearly written for an elderly black man (The role was double-cast, with me alternating performances with...an actual elderly black man).

That string of shitty experiences spooked me. I assumed there had to be good theater to do somewhere in L.A., but I sure didn't seem to know how to find it.

And now, while I want to do theater, I still don't want to do bad theater. I want to be proud of what I'm doing - otherwise why am I doing it? - and I want something that shows me off to best advantage (Meaning, amongst other things, that I'm not up for being a chorus boy). Cause there's no point in doing things that aren't going to be satisfying, and more to the point, things won't make a casting person say "Wow--Who is this guy?...".

And I don't want to do theater that's too far away (Because one of the reasons to do theater here is hoping someone will see you, and casting directors don't want to schlep out to Long Beach to see you do a dinner theater production of Ten Little Indians).

But where is this magical place, that's doing shows I like, with roles I'd be great in, that's near enough that I don't have to drive (That's another thing - I'd rather not have to drive), and that I could maybe bribe a casting person or two into attending?

I don't know. And I hardly know where to start.

But the thought that it's what I should be doing continues to nag at me.
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Watched the final season opener of The Shield last night.

And while I just said I wasn't going to go on about why I want to act in here, I will say this - All day yesterday, I was excited about the show that evening.

And it reminded me when I was younger, at the movies - I would be happy to be at the movies, excited, looking forward to the show, and I know at some point it hit me, "Wouldn't it be cool if people were as excited to see something I was a part of as I am right now...?".

It's not my only motivation for being an actor...but it's definitely a big piece of it.

A Pretty Funny Script

Yesterday, my car battery was stolen.

Since I just bought a new battery about six weeks ago, I was not especially happy to have to shell out more money for a new new battery.

(I now have a running tally of "things I've had stolen since living in LA" - from bike lights, and bikes themselves, to my car's hubcaps and registration tags - which is a definite downside to "life in the big city".)

"So what's that have to do with acting", you ask?

Well, I wasn't happy about what happened yesterday - It wasn't "fair", it was money I didn't want to be spending (Especially when there isn't much money coming in), and it was going to be a pain in the ass to deal with - but I dealt with it.

And one of the ways I "dealt with it", emotionally, was by writing a funny-snarky entry about it on my other blog.

Afterwards, I thought about how I'd brought my sense of humor to bear on the situation, and wondered why I have a much harder time doing that with my acting career.

Cause, after all, I'm a funny guy.

I imagine a sense of humor helps in most walks of life, but it's particularly important in acting - not just in bringing humor to the characters you play, but in dealing with what can be a tremendously difficult and stressful occupation without losing your mind (Or in my case, "losing what little mind I have left").

I'm not yet personally familiar with the difficulty and stress of succeeding as an actor, but I imagine it has its challenges (Maybe the #1 challenge being dealing with the fear that the success could go away at any time).

But I'm intimately familiar with the difficulty and stress of being a "struggling actor". And if you can't laugh at the business, and at yourself, from time to time, it will eat you up.

And I don't want to be eaten up.

I'm pretty good at making the most of a funny script, so now I just need to realize that the pursuit of an acting career, and sometimes life itself, is "a pretty funny script".

Why Ask "Why"?

Since starting this blog, I’ve given lots of thought, when I’m not writing, to what I’m going to write next; since the goal is to update daily, I’m constantly thinking about potential topics.

And for awhile now, I’ve thought it would be interesting to write about “Why I Want To Act” or “Why I Am An Actor”. Explaining to you, and maybe clarifying for myself in the process, the motivation behind my desire to act.

But on Saturday, I saw the documentary Man On Wire - about tightrope walker Philippe Petit, and how in August of 1974, he and a group of confederates, under cover of darkness, strung a wire between the twin towers of the World Trade Center so he could, come morning’s light, “dance” back and forth between the towers, hundreds of feet in the air - and something he says at the end of the film really struck me.

He’s asked by reporters afterwards “Why did you do it?”, and his response was to say, basically, “There is no ‘Why’”.

Now that sounds very enigmatic to me - very “French”, if you will - but I actually kinda/sorta “get it”.

I think he was basically saying “Who cares why I did it? What does it matter ‘why’? The point is, I did it”.

In that sort of situation (Why someone would choose to do something most people would consider crazy), “Why?” is a boring question. A pointless question.

The answer you get is going to either be bullshit, because the person giving you the answer doesn’t really know “why”, or else it’ll just sound facile and silly when reduced to some one-line, bite-sized “motivation” (“Because it was there”, “Because I could”, “Because I wanted to be famous”, etc.).

In the film, Petit in the present day still seems almost offended by the question, saying, “I give you something magical, something beautiful...and the only question you have for me is ‘Why’...?”.

“There is no ‘Why’.”

So what’s all this have to do with me?

I should be long past reflecting on “Why” I want to act, why I choose to act. I should be beyond that kind of navel-gazing when it comes to acting.
At this point, it doesn’t matter. And it’s not the most interesting, meaningful, or important question I should be asking myself at this stage.

Besides, I know. At this point, I know as much as I’ll ever need to know about “Why I Act”. It’s “beside the point” now, the “point” being “I’m an actor”

And I don’t think it’s the most interesting thing I have to say to you, Dear Readers. I’m not 100% sure what the “the most interesting thing I have to say to you” is at this point, but I’m pretty sure that ain’t it.

Besides, if you’ve been reading along, and you haven’t gotten a sense of “Why” I do this just yet, I’m pretty sure you will before we’re done.